an opportunity to make choices every single conscious moment
perfect with all of it’s imperfections
whatever you choose it to be
unbearable and crushing
endless change and opportunity
how you use your time and energy
an encounter with the unknown
a dance with the downtrodden and those who get everything for free
fair and unfair
glorious, strange and beautiful
loss and grief, having and losing
love and hatred
not what you plan
desire and satisfaction, yearning and fulfillment
to be enjoyed through the body, with the body, for the body and with a love for the body
a journey of the spirit
presence and distraction
mind and body
process and structure
I and emptiness
an experience of separation and difference, wholeness and sameness
an expression of your unique essence and the essence that connects all of creation
a tango between inner and outer worlds
a drama with many roles and many masks
a void filled with love and war, direction and uncertainty
the mountains and the ravines, the plains and the caves
learning and teaching, giving and receiving
relationship and aloneness
sickness and health, birth and death and everything in between
zero and infinity
creation and destruction.
Why waste time wondering about the purpose of your life ?
And by living, you will experience a life of purpose.
For those of you who are struggling to find your purpose, this is what Dude said when I asked him one of your questions a few years ago. You can read the remainder of his answer here : https://app.box.com/s/4a727tfoppz1ti6efrbzaf9pqbof6u9d
Does every one, every living being, whether that be a person, plant, animal, thing with asoul, have a purpose in the life that they’re currently in ?
The purpose of any living thing is to live and to experience the life force in any way that it chooses to manifest itself. These ideas that humans have that there is some sort of divine purpose, they are mere fictions created by you, to help make sense of life. There is no need for a purpose. You did not come into life to full fill any kind of purpose and yet all your major religions talk of some sort of purpose. It isn’t true that there is a purpose that drives your existence – whether it is your life in your physical form or your life outside of the physical form. Everyone who speaks of purpose is speaking of something else, other than what your life is. You are what you are. Your life is what it is. It doesn’t need to fulfil any kind of becoming, any kind of unstated or known or unconscious purpose. These things that you say are purpose, they are things that help you to feel better about all the uncertainties that life throws up to you. When you have a sense of some grand purpose for your life, it is much easier to endure the hardship and the meaningless of existence. Once again, expectation ! You see life as something that should have an outcome. Your outcomes drive your desires and what you desire more than anything is to believe that this life that you are living is driven by some ultimate goal, some other thing, other than merely existing. You cannot grasp, that life isn’t a thing that is driven by an outcome, it is the outcome – whatever arises. And so it needs no purpose. If you say it has purpose, this is merely a projection of your own weaknesses because you don’t like to see that life is what you make it, regardless of whatever the driving force for your existence in the body. There is no grand purpose to your existing in this life or in any other, other than your one and true aim – which is to experience being what you are. You may not see that but it is true.
What is life ?
In today’s monologue I explore the idea of the body of our life’s work and the bodies of work within our life. I explore how our life is the sum of all our life’s work and is reflected in the final moments of who we are in our life (or at any moment) and how at any moment we are working on a body of work, whether we are conscious of it or not. I speculate that we can consciously choose the bodies of work that fill our life – whether they are visible or invisible and suggest that a life well lived, is one in which we come to understand and develop some awareness of the nature of the bodies of work that we allow to fill our life.
My iPod gave a lot of trouble during this recording and I had to stitch together separate segments after it unexpectedly shut down. Forgive any repetition !
Enjoy ! 😉
I’ve been sitting on Dude’s answer to question 11 for a while now and truth be told, I’ve been hesitant to post it. Primarily because the answer he gave me cuts. This answer is primarily for you Sen. I was concerned that Dude’s answer might upset you and seem unreasonable. I spoke to Dude at length about this and he reassured me that what he had to say was in no way intended to hurt you and if anything intended to help you and to help others who are struggling with the same issue.
I used to be someone who believed in the idea of purpose. In fact so much so that at one point it became an overwhelming obsession to discover my purpose. My quest to discover my purpose caused me immense pain and suffering and it made me sick. It is only the wisdom of a dead man and an ET that saved me from the idea of purpose. So it came as no surprise that Dude responded the way that he did. But I still felt that his answer could be interpreted as harsh. So Sen when you read this, please remember that Dude has more than 80 of his own children and has seen countless beings with conditions that parallel that of your child’s, or worse. His words come from a place of caring and understanding, informed not only by individual lives but by the experience of countless civilizations – human and otherwise.
Please know Sen that I received an answer from Anamika regarding your question within a week of your asking it but I have not had the time to transcribe the audio into text. I also have another answer from an aspect I call Alapo and I will try to write that up as soon as I can. It is my wish that by providing you with 3 very different answers you gain exactly what you need.
I chose to explore Sen’s question from 3 different perspectives because it was a question that is close to my own heart and my own experience. My son was born with a major heart condition and his mother has a brain tumour. I often wondered why. And for much of my life I was tortured by the question of suffering. I once wrote in a poem “How much suffering will fulfill this mystery ?”. The mystery being life and god and why god allows suffering. Eventually I abandoned the question of suffering and realized that it was irrelevant because I saw that to live is to suffer – such is the nature of physical forms and everything that I imagine that God has allowed is just a projection of my own mind. What is, is. It is only suffering from a certain point of view. Of course suffering is all relative and none of us can say what suffering is. Each person has their own suffering in their own way. We all have our own limits, capacities and perceptions.
Do any of us ask how a rock suffers ? Or how a fly suffers ? Or how an electron suffers through change and annihilation. Suffering is real but it is both subjective and objective. And depends entirely upon perception and perspective.
It is clear to me, that like all of you, Sen suffers greatly. It is my wish that Dude’s words will help you Sen to see and to experience things a little differently, with a little less suffering.
You can read Dude’s answer here : https://app.box.com/s/4a727tfoppz1ti6efrbzaf9pqbof6u9d . Enjoy ! 😉
I’m sitting here in my floppy blue camping chair by the open fire, after a long day renovating my old farm house with my son, in preparation for our big move this coming week. And as I have been sitting here absolutely exhausted, it’s occurred to me how much my mind has wandered today as I was working. Once, while I was in my son’s room crouched over painting the skirting boards, my back was hurting like hell and I found myself thinking about how alcohol and work addiction fill both sides of my family tree. Then later while I was painting, I noticed I was thinking about my time at university and how all the people I knew who were into avant garde music, seemed to lack any real emotional depth or feeling for the suffering of others. Then finally, as I neared the end of the skirting boards, I noticed that I was thinking about the conflict I’ve been having recently with my son and wondering whether our relationship will deteriorate as it did with my own father or whether this is just a phase, as it was when my grandfather said I was just going through a phase when I was angry with the world in my early 20’s. Every time these little mental departures occurred, I found myself asking “why am I thinking this ?”, before swiftly bringing my attention back to the body. But no sooner was my attention inside my body, when my mind went racing off into another discursive excursion. And so at some point, all of these little departures from attention to the body, reminded me of what life used to be like here prior to the birth of my son in 1999.
I used to work a lot outside and spent very little time on the internet or watching television. In late Spring and Summer we would have to mow the grass with our push mower. We never had the money to afford a ride-on mower, so we were stuck mowing the 4-5 acres around the house, the hard way. The grass was often thick and long and it was hot, dusty work. You’d be covered with about 50 bush flies and they’d be constantly trying to get on your face and in your eyes. You’d be sweating like a pig and your mouth and throat would be choking up with dust. And it was under these conditions, that I would often find my mind wandering back to my past. Back to some of the most painful and difficult periods of my past and especially back to the time when I lived with my uncle – who I later discovered was a serial paedophile. At the time I lived with my uncle, I had suspicions that he was up to no good but I had no way of proving it and besides he terrified the hell out of me, so I didn’t dare lift the covers on any of his dirty little secrets. My uncle had been sent to boarding school, the youngest of 3 brothers and had hated the experience. When I ran away from boarding school in year 11 and landed on the cold floor of his garage in the middle of the night, he welcomed me into his home, fully aware of the terrors of boarding school. As a young man in his 20’s my uncle had spent 8 years in the notorious Long Bay Jail for theft. Occasionally when he was really drunk, he would talk to me about his time there and about the fights he’d seen and the people he’d seen killed in jail. Long Bay taught my uncle to be tough, violent and manipulative and it was the only way he seemed to know how to survive. Mostly he was very kind to me but I was privileged enough to see his violent side. Like the time he broke his wife’s’ jaw in the middle of the night and the time he threatened to kill her in front of my best buddy and I. My friend David, was a 17 year old Arnold Schwarzenegger but when he saw my uncles temper, he shit himself and ran out of the house and all the way back to boarding school. Somehow I grew used to my uncles violent outbursts and his split personality. My nice guy to the people he liked and an angel to his relatives and a tyrant to people who crossed him the wrong way. Years later after he hung himself, the evidence for my claim that he was a paedophile and a drug addict came to light but it was quickly swept under the family carpet. To this day my grandmother knows nothing about what her son was really like. And in her eyes, he will always be her angel.
Not long after I was diagnosed with my primary tumour, I forgave my uncle. After years of being tormented by my memories of him and by countless dreams of being tortured by him, I realised I didn’t need to be imprisoned any more.
Those hot days mowing the grass, ruminating on my experiences with my Uncle Peter, were absolute hell for me. They were a hell that I created for myself and a hell that I alone had to endure. And while at first it seems that I suffered needlessly, I did not suffer in vain. This kind of mindless suffering was exactly what I needed to arouse the desire to find a path to be free of my suffering. And in many ways, living here in perfect silence was just what I needed. Because silence allowed me to wallow in my suffering, until ultimately I could stand it no more. Silence helped me to imprison myself and when I’d finally had enough, I was desperate to find a way out. I looked in many different places but eventually it was my return to Buddhism and meditation that made all the difference. Slowly I began to understand how mind functions and how mind creates both heaven and hell. And eventually I began to see that mind itself arises from primordial emptiness and I began to accept the moments when all self disappears and when self returns.
My torture at the hands of an uncle who was already dead, was a great catalyst for my own spiritual development. A spiritual development that took place along a very unpredictable and unplanned spiritual journey, which has been filled with people, places, events and accidents I did not see coming. A person could write volumes on exactly what spiritual development is and what a spiritual journey is but it is probably enough to say, that development is the unfolding of the spirit and the journey is the passage through which the unfolding of the spirit occurs. We could also write volumes on what the spirit is as well and argue about spirit and soul and the interchangeability of the two but I think we can simplify things, by saying that the spirit is the life force that is within us. Any kind of discussion about spirituality, will inevitably use words that will point to other words and require endless definitions, that will vary from person to person and culture to culture. I think every human being has some sense of their own spiritual journey and can recognise that we are all on our own spiritual journey.
There have been many other catalysts for my own spiritual development. My mindless addiction to my uncles torture, was only one of them. Perhaps the greatest catalyst for my spiritual development, was leaving this farm a decade ago. It was something I really didn’t want to do. But I had to do it because I had separated from my partner and because life here was way too hard. When we left here, I grieved for at least two years. I remember one time coming back for a visit and sitting on the steps sobbing uncontrollably. It was like there was a hole in my heart I just couldn’t fill. This was the first place in my entire life, that I had called home. All of my other homes were temporary. I had four homes before my parents divorced, when I was eleven. Four homes during holidays when my Dad lived in Hong Kong. Five and a half years in six different dormitories in a boarding school. Seven different homes while at university. Two homes after university. I’d lost count of how many places I’d lived in before I lived here. And then all of a sudden, I left the only home I had come to know and love.
But what seemed like a difficult choice back then, changed the course of my life for the better. Because we left this place, I was able to embrace new opportunities that I would never have been able to experience any other way. I had the chance to live in 3 homes by the coast and 1 in the mountains. Two of the most beautiful places in the state. I had the opportunity to experience the 4 seasons from two totally different geographical perspectives. And in so doing I became familiar with the idiosyncrasies of each place and the tiny changes that an outsider would never notice. I worked with Aboriginal people, farmers, children and adults who had mental illness and the adults and children who cared for them, couples who were having relationship troubles, adolescents who were having a hard time with life, addicts of all kinds, people in charge of schools, national and state bodies, NGOs and government agencies. I developed skills I didn’t have before and strengthened the skills I already had. I managed projects in the community development and environmental field. I deepened my knowledge and experience of counselling and psychotherapy. I explored Buddhism, Hinduism, Mysticism, Gnosticism, Christianity, Neo Advaita and Shamanism in far greater depth. I discovered that my son had an ear problem and went through two major life changing surgeries with him. I learned that my ex wife had a brain tumour and had suffered in the silence. I was diagnosed with a major tumour in my left kidney and had my kidney removed, stayed healthy for a few years and then learned I had new tumours. I was told I may have 3-6 months to live and outwitted such a stupid prognosis ! I discovered the coastline of southern Victoria and the mountains of western Victoria. I lost several people who were part of my life. I learned how to make conscious contact with ETs and had face to face contact more than 40 times. I made contact with the Yowie people where I lived and a creature that some describe as the Batsquatch. I started writing a biography; compiled a book of 500 + poems; wrote 3 plays and a musical; half wrote a book on consciousness; half wrote two novels and several short stories. I wrote half a dozen blogs, including Otherworldly Encounters blog and began ET and I. I started the Global Conscious Project and the Global ET Contact Research network – terminating both early in their life. I began developing a new psychological framework based on Aspects of Self. I continued working on Journeying in the past and future and became fully aware of the risk of a major catastrophic solar event. I began to fully understand the Small Self and Greater Self. I seeded several community development projects – one of which one a National Indigenous Award. I started and dropped numerous projects, when I realised they were going nowhere. I had countless bored erections and heard countless jokes ! I met lots of wonderful people in real life and online. I made many wonderful friendships with people in other countries, who I will probably never meet. I met Dude and he took me back in time and into my own future, before later taking me off world to visit one of his favourite worlds. I learned all about the Teal’hia and Sawronde and was taken to merge with the Light, that I came to know as God. I learned that many of the things my ex wife had hinted at in relation to The Architecture and the worlds power structures and the extent of their surveillance, were true. Which was something I had doubted for many years ! I met many people who died of cancer, while I was on my own journey with a life threatening illness. I saw animals I had wanted to see – including Sharks, Sting Rays, Turtles, Sea Eagles, Cormorants, Gannets, Southern Right Whales, Humpback Whales, Blue Whales, Penguins, Seals, Fish, Deer, Kangaroos, Emus, Black Panthers etc. I met Aboriginal people who told me about the stories their grandparents told them about the great coastal massacres and the suicides and murders on the missions. I met Aboriginal people I was able to foresee would become healers, who I was able to help in their own healing. I started my documentary Before I Die, which connected me with the hearts of several dozen people and which promises to take me on a fascinating journey. I learned about Dadaji, Ram Thakur, Mother Meera, Sweet Mother and a host of other spiritual guides. I had more than 3,000 dreams, a third of which I was able to document. I read thousands of books, pdfs, articles, blog posts and documents. I watched hundreds of videos and listened to hundreds of podcasts. I meditated an hour most days in sitting meditation and practised deep relaxation. I had countless conversations with guides, dead people and ETs. I discovered caves, mountains, beaches, islands, swimming holes, deserts, trees, forests, rocks and sand, I did not previously know about. I experienced landslides, floods, fires, earth tremors, storms, tornadoes, king tides and cancer inducing pollution from the Glaxo Smith Kline factory up the road from my home in Port Fairy. I found funding for projects that planted 120-150,000 trees and planted several thousand trees, bushes and grasses myself. I watched my son transform, from a shy little 6 year old into a ball scratching, Cosplay loving, girl addicted, electronic game loving, confident 16 year old; who makes me immensely proud ! But some days I want to kill him ! I found loving homes for two cats and a dog that we could no longer care for and developed a love hate relationship with my two latest cats – Mishka and Grumpy. I ran numerous tree planting days, taught mindfulness and healing classes and started two very lame ass podcasts. One of which you know ! I made about 200 crappy songs, when I had nothing better to do but waste my time doodling out some tunes on Fruity Studio, Audacity and Ableton Live. I recorded hundreds of hours of sound – birds, frogs, the wind, telegraph lines, fence wires, cars, city scaoes, beaches, crickets, cicadas and various impromptu sound effects. I wrote several thousand work related and personal emails. I received about 20 letters from distant relatives and wrote 1 in return ! Which is something I will try to rectify this year, before it’s too late ! No less than a dozen people tried to heal me – none of them at my request ! I had excruciating tooth ache, back pain and tumour related pain. I practised Pal Dan Gum Qi Gong regularly, practised 9 Palaces Qi Gong and developed my own form of free style Qi Gong. I walked several thousand km and drove 250,000 plus km. I made grass circles with my son. I scanned thousands of kilometers of country side looking for crop circles and only found 3. I had lots of conversations with people about witchcraft, spirituality, Aboriginal ceremonies, UFOs, aliens, crop circles, mental illness, shamanism, re-vegetation, plants, birds, zoos, biodiversity, people, population growth, the population problem, space travel, science, technology, education, music, literature, books, films, comedy, illness, healing, health, culture, politics, religion, spirituality. I listened to hundreds of peoples stories, experiences, fears, dramas, pain, suffering, hopes, desires, wishes, secrets and aspirations. I took my son to countless events and started a Magic the Gathering club for he and his friends. I spied on those who spy on me. I held dozens of animals, walked on snakes, picked up lizards, walked and swam with fish, krill and jelly fish. I entered dozens of peoples homes, mostly for work. I had several people I supported commit suicide and imagined their ghosts in my home, wishing there was more I could have done to save them. I had lots of arguments with my son, yelled and abused tourists, met lots of my son’s male and female friends, looked into my sons future, met people from Canada, Bhutan, India, England, Ireland, Hong Kong, China, the US, France, Pakistan, Sri Lanka and all parts of Australia. I witnessed the great influx of people from India into the state of Victoria and saw the city of Melbourne change it’s cultural flavour. I pondered the two great issues which face this precious world – biodiversity loss and the ever expanding human population.
And now after all of this, I return to my old home. I don’t tell you these things because I want your praise or to flaunt my ego.
I tell you because had I not left here, I would have experienced none of these things. Every one of them, has been part of my spiritual journey. Some have acted as catalysts, rapidly accelerating my spiritual development, while others have slowly deepened the layers of my spiritual life and added colour to my spiritual journey.
While it’s possible to say that our spiritual journeys can be described by specific archetypal patterns, it’s also possible to say that everyone’s spiritual journey is unique. Some spiritual journeys are filled with suffering, while some are filled with joy; others are filled with confusion and mistakes; while yet others are filled with achievements and success. My own spiritual journey has been filled with all of these things and has in many ways, spanned the entire gamut of human emotions. My pain and suffering has been by far the greatest catalyst. The threat of dying, forced me to face my own mortality and to try to truly understand the nature of my human experience. It has given me a kind of spiritual short cut, that I could not have gained in any other way. Meeting beings from other worlds and learning about the nature of time and mind, has forced me to embrace a much wider perception of reality. Merging with the Light, has helped me to accept my own finite body and to know without doubt that life is eternal and that life is meaningful. I know now that everything in life has a place and a purpose. And yet I no longer believe that there is any purpose to life, except to live fully, embracing all that arises – good and bad. Merging with the Light, also helped me to know for certain, that everything is an expression of God.
I have no idea what lay ahead in my future (apart from what Dude showed me). But I am excited that I am still here. I know that time and age will remain my greatest teachers. Unlike a lot of folks, I look forward to getting older ! Because it’s only with age, as the body moves closer to death, that we begin to truly see what we are and learn how best to live and to love. I believe that our true spiritual development unfolds from the cradle to the grave and beyond. And I honestly feel like I’m a little boy, who has just opened his eyes from a long deep sleep and I want to see what can be seen and experience all that I can before it’s time to leave !
I’d love to hear about the colours of your spiritual journey and how the unexpected detours and choices in your life have reshaped you !
When I was first diagnosed with a big fat tumour in June 2007, I think I was expecting it. I’d spent the last 15 years of my life trying to do everything I could to turn my life around but I continued to feel so much pain and suffering. I’d probably had my tumour for 20 years and so the pain I felt for many years before I was diagnosed, was in some way, very real. When my kidney hurt, it hurt for a real reason – because it was slowly shutting down. And if I hadn’t had surgery and had my kidney removed that August, I would have died. Because back then I had no real idea what my tumour was about and why I was suffering so much.
The 2 months between my diagnosis and my surgery was the hardest period of my life and in the first two weeks, I felt a deep dread that my life was over. In that two months I faced my own mortality and prepared for the end of my life. That feeling would return several times in the next 5 years. But something else also happened. I connected to a part of myself that had laid hidden all my life and began to feel a deep connection to God, the Creator, Source, whatever you want to call it. And I felt that here was an opportunity to turn my life around and heal. I had no choice. I had to see it that way or I was dead. I’d worked in a Radiotherapy unit and I’d studied the cell biology of cancer for 2 decades and I knew that people with aggressive renal cancer died quickly. Surgery had taken out the primary tumour (maybe) but it was likely that micrometastisis was well underway throughout my body and no amount of chemo or radiotherapy would cure it. In the year after my surgery I explored every imaginable kind of treatment and quickly grew tired of all the miracle suggestions that were coming my way from otherwise ignorant but well-meaning people. Suggestions that continue to come my way !
In the period shortly after my diagnosis, I was also visited by several dead people and I was given another name from an old Native Indian man. Ghosts came to my house frequently and I felt I was being looked after. I began to be more aware of the dead people who watched out for me (my guides) and other formless entities who were occasionally came to my attention.
But in other ways I felt incredibly alone. More alone than I had ever felt in my entire life.
People who cared about me reached out to me and my son and my ex wife looked after me. People came to visit but mostly I frightened them and they never came back. I seemed to remind them of their own mortality. So they went back to being busy, working hard and smoking like chimneys ! The people I worked with only seemed to lament that they had more work. I felt deeply betrayed.
My work with people in the cancer setting and in the broader context of psychotherapy, counselling, group work and community development projects; had taught me a great deal about why people suffer. And since 1989 I’d been exploring a diverse spiritual path that embraced teachings from a wide range of traditions, including Buddhism, Neo Advaita, Shamanism, Traditional First Nations and First Australian spirituality, Christian Mysticism and Taoism. I’d had dozens of strange experiences, including my ET contacts. I’d explored my own other lives – including 2 other lives in which I was involved with my ex-wife and my son. I’d explored a whole range of psychotherapy practices – including Jung’s work, Entheogen work, CBT, Dialectical Behaviour Therapy, Art Therapy, Music Therapy, Systems Theory, Chaos Theory applications to counselling, Freud’s work and so on. I was yet to really absorb a wider range of psychotherapy practices – such as Transpersonal Psychology, Holodynamics, Process Psychology, Primal Scream work, Hypnotherapy, Holotropic Breath Work etc. I had been heavily into the Romantic poets when I was younger and was looking for something in them but I couldn’t find it. I found a sense of what I was after, in Walt Whitman, The Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam, the writings of WH Hudson and the Writings of John Paul 2. I was looking for something for so long, almost all of my life and I couldn’t find it.
In 1994 I began connecting with the Aboriginal spirits of a local mountain and it became sacred to me (https://etandi.wordpress.com/2014/11/12/tsm8-a-tour-across-burra-burra-mountain-of-the-eagle-with-bright-and-toa-2/) . These people would come and visit my home, and interact with my baby son. They continued to teach me about nature and reality. Later I would learn about a connection between them and the Teal’hia and how they were playing a role in helping me to remember who I am. After I was diagnosed they continued to connect with me and helped me to see a much bigger picture. Sometimes they were harsh and firm and sometimes they were gentle. But they always cared.
In 1994 I also began exploring consciousness and to see in other places and other times. I was looking for an understanding of the patterns of my lives and trying desperately to understand reality. But all the while I knew something was missing.
Since I was a little boy, I tried hard to be a good person. I practiced love and compassion and tried hard to be a kind person. But people continued to walk all over me and ignore me. I continued to give freely, as much as I could but very few people ever gave anything in return. Giving was the way I lived. And eventually it was almost the death of me.
Then on January 2011, the Teal’hia and Sawrnode came to visit me and took me to merge with the Light – a light that I came to know as God and I remembered that all this time, I have been searching for HOME. I found it and then I came back to my body and back to Earth. But I know that HOME is inside all of us. It’s just that sometimes the Little I gets a little stuck and we forget. I was given the ultimate gift and I wish I could share it with you but you can only know it through experience.
* * *
So after coming close to dying at least twice, as a result of my tumours, here’s what I have learned. I am happy to pass these lessons onto you because this time I know I give to people who appreciate what I have to give. At least one of you will benefit from this and that makes sharing worth while. You are God and I am God and God is in all of us. So I am merely acknowledging you, as you acknowledge me. In no particular order, here is what I have learned :
- Love life above everything else. It is a precious gift and opportunity. Treat life with reverence. Life is sacred.
- Live your greatest possible vision of who you are.
- You are the LIFE FORCE. Feel what you are. Feel the life pulsing through you.
- Be true to your own spirit, all the time. never compromise who you are. NEVER !
- You matter. You are unique. You will only ever exist once, in all of existence.
- Live what matters to you. Don’t try to be anyone elses expectation of you.
- Make life count. Don’t sit around on the couch dreaming of if only’s Get out there and fucking do it ! Live the Nike slogan ! Don’t put off doing what you have always wanted to do. GO AND FUCKING DO IT ! And if you can’t afford it, do the next best thing ! LIVE YOUR FUCKIT LIST !!!
- Decide what really matters to you and prioritize where to put your time. That way when you die, you will feel fulfilled. Fulfillment is time spent well.
- Let love fill your infirmities. You are loved by countless beings – humans alive and dead, ETs alive and dead, animals, plants, formless beings and the Creator itself. Allow that love into your heart and give love freely, wherever the opportunity arises. Love the Small Self that is your unique individual sense of you and the Greater Self – which is god within and the All that is everything and in everything. (I still struggle to love what is within others I dislike but I’m working at it).
- A person is ill for a reason. Discover that reason and attend to what you discover.
- Express WHO YOU ARE FEARLESSLY ! Express your thoughts, feelings, desires, actions and your very being !
- Act without any thought of an outcome (This one I still struggle with).
- Treat the body as a precious temple, a sacred space. The body matters and is your vehicle to the Greater Self, so you better treat it well. Don’t smoke, drink moderately, exercise, eat well but not fanatically, eat naturally (no need for any supplements or weird things) enjoy some junk food now and then, really love food and the experience of eating and sharing a meal.
- Remember the breath. When it all gets too much, just breathe. Become one with the breath. The breath is the rhythm that kickstarts all rhythms in the body. Stop and notice it from time to time. While you’re alive, THE BREATHE IS TIME.
- It is your capacity to FEEL, that will help you to HEAL.
- You can feel HEALED when you allow yourself to feel what you want. Stop getting in the way. (Take it from someone who is a master of getting in the way !).
- Let go of all that would bind you and prevent you from feeling FREE.
- Feel everything – absolutely everything that arises in your experience of being. Deny nothing. That way you will have a full experience of every moment. (Kanatek’s healing teaching No. 1).
- You are of the Earth, not separate. (Kanatek’s healing teaching No. 2). You are One with Earth. Earth gave you everything you know. This means, treat Earth well. Revere Earth and remember it is sacred. When you open up to Earth’s sacredness, it will teach you all you need to know. You are bound to Earth energetically and materially. Remember that and connect with bare Earth often.
- Everything comes to its own natural end, when it is ready. (Kanatek’s healing teaching NO. 3). All phenomena rise and fall. Disease rises and falls. If you listen to it and take what it has to teach you to heart, it goes away, because it is no longer needed. If you ignore it, it will continue to speak to you and cause suffering. It may ultimately kill you.
- There is no such thing as evil. Only ignorance. Realize that some people are comfortable being ignorant.
- We need to discover what is at the core of our dreams. Don’t obsess with following your dreams, discover what is inside them and honour that.
- See the infinite diversity of God in everything within and without. God is expressing itself through everything you encounter in your experience of life. Enjoy that and be fascinated by that. Give thanks for that.
- If you have a life threatening illness, ignore ALL suggestions to modify your diet, try miracle cures, take special supplements, try this or that energetic exercise or meditation or go to anyone special who can cure you. Trust in your own intuitions and inner voices. Ask for guidance from the Creator and from your own guides.
- If you have a life threatening illness, learn about it from a medical perspective and then throw everything out. Do not buy into statistics, doctors prognosis, online or face to face support groups or the negative or overly positive opinions of others (think only positive thoughts – what a load of crap !).
- Your life is driven by THOUGHT FORMS – IDEAS YOU BELIEVE IN. They become the unconscious and conscious motivators and controllers of your emotional, mental and physical development. Unearth the Thought Forms that drive you and create Healthy Thought Forms.
- Heal broken relationships if you can, otherwise accept how things are.
- Bend but never break.
- Learn to see all of the things that worry or concern you and to accept how they make you feel. You don’t have to fix everything, Learn to sit with the feeling they arouse in you and in time the feeling will diminish and they will no longer be problems.
- Love nature and nature will love you and nurture you.
- Every day take a few minutes at least, to sit outside and just experience being.
- Plant trees because trees create life. This planet needs more trees, to sustain life. Be a creator instead of a destroyer.
- Think wisely with the heart about every decision you make. Take a long time to make big decisions, if you have that liberty.
- You can take joy wherever you go. Don’t make excuses.
- Many of us have a fear of abandonment and a fear of success. Discover where they come from and see how they have shaped your life. When you understand them, you can uproot them.
- There is no need for any religion, any ritual, any mantra, any practice, any meditation, any sacrifice, any commitment, any escaping, any transcendence, any penance, any self-inflicted suffering, any charity, any anything; to know God, Simply look at the world around you and the world within and allow yourself to feel love. God is always within. As close as your breath, as close as your heart beat.
- Being is your true nature. Doing is mostly driven by an unaware ego. Discover how your ego works. Doing fulfills needs, desires, longing and dreams. Doing leads to endless craving because everything you carve is impermanent. Being is characterized by stillness, silence, freedom and love. Develop Self Awareness by looking within. That way when you are doing, you will honour being and will be acting from a place of integrity, rather than a place of ignorance.
- FREEDOM arises when we let go of everything WE THINK WE ARE. Find out who you really are. What is it that is asking “What am I ?” ?
- If you wish to feel something, do what creates that feeling. If you wish to feel loved, do things that create love. If you wish to feel healed, do things that create healing. If you wish to feel healthy, do things that create health.
- Find what you love to do and do it recklessly, with great zest and passion and enjoyment. Be in the act of expression and don’t be consumed by the outcome or be attached to what you’re doing. Do and enjoy, and then let go. Embrace the next moment. Don’t let passion create attachment. Passion can be vice or a virtue. Use it wisely.
- Desire is OK. You are here to experience the desire that comes with a body. You can’t live without it. But from time to time examine all the desires in your life and discover which ones are healthy and which ones are unhealthy. Lose those that are unhealthy for you.
- You create time within. Understand how the mind works and time changes.
- Use your time wisely by seeing how you waste time.
- Share your wealth because there is no ATM where you’re going and because wealth can ease some suffering.
- Know yourself and then you can express yourself.
- Let go of control and expectation. (Dude taught me that one !).
- Understand non duality, so you can transform the energy of desire.
- Mind unfolds when we honour the process of oneness. There are thousands of ways to practice being at One with the universe.
- Your night dreams are here to teach you and awaken you what you need. Your day dreams are here to teach you about what you are not attending to and your deepest needs.
- Let go of poor patterns of relating and see healthier ways of relating.
- You are separate in a relative sense (in relation to) and not separate in an absolute sense. You are I and not I. The Small Self and the Greater Self.
- Your vision of work must include those things that help you to honour your deepest needs and makes you feel ALIVE.
- Everybody is just trying to do the best they can. So try to understand that everyone is suffering. Mostly be kind and sometimes stand up to people when you need to.
- Take responsibility for how you react mentally, emotionally, physically and verbally. Understand what agitates you and your own reactivity.
- The world is full of injustice, unfairness and assholes. Fight for what is worth fighting for and Illegitimi non carborundum (Never let the bastards grind you down)
- We are known by the GAPS WE LEAVE BEHIND. So make sure you leave gaps that are worth the ache that might last a life time.
- YOU ARE THE POWERS THAT BE. No one else. Real power is in you. Not outside in those who seem to control the human world.
Here’s my latest TSM, TSM 61 – a long TSM (1hr:29 mins) I recorded this morning on my walk. Yes I missed a whole bunch. I’m still wading through editing and changing file formats on another 22 TSMs. So this is where I’m at today.
In this monologue I explore the idea of the Greater Self with a couple of basic exercises tat I practice and I explore that age old drama – the purpose of your life and the meaning of life. Given it’s a subject that troubled me for many years, I thought I would give back what I’ve learned, so that it might benefit those of you struggling with the same issue. I understand the issue now in a way which brings great peace to my day to day experience of life. And its my wish that this discussion helps you to reach the same sense of peace with your life.
Excuse the wind early on and my constant discussions about the wild life !
Many years ago I tried to make a painting about the many paths to God. It was a rendition of the mountain metaphor. It was covered with people climbing the mountain on all sides. Above some of them were symbols of the major religions. I guess it was my effort to convey the desire to know God. In my painting some folks were on top of the mountain, some had been to the top and turned back, some gave up part way up the mountain and others were at the foot of the mountain, unsure of whether they would climb or assessing what lay ahead. I never actually finished the painting. It was just too hard and I had too little talent. But I have continued to think about how people try to find God.
After my experience of being taken by the Teal’hia/Sawronde to merge with THE LIGHT on January 19th, 2011; I came to realize completely, that God is everything and in everything. All doubt faded on that day. But despite the apparent gift of my shortcut, it was a long journey to that point. I had explored many different beliefs and many different religious traditions, in addition to a host of psychotherapy practices and ideas about consciousness.
I’m not sure what the best metaphor for looking for God is and I suspect it is different for every person. Sometimes it is a path and sometimes there is no path (the pathless path). Perhaps it doesn’t really matter how we describe the journey, so long as at some point we accept that we’re on a journey and we accept that one day the journey must end.
I know without a doubt that the journey will only end when I merge back completely with the creator – at a point when I am content to no longer I AM and move past all desire to exist in any way that can be perceived as separate. That may seem a contradiction, after telling you that I believe God is everything but it is not.
So I’d like to explore a few paths to God that I have explored, that might perhaps provide some of you with something that you did not have before.
When I was a boy, I loved to roam in the wild. I would walk the hills behind our home in Adelaide and then later in western NSW and the jungles of Hong Kong. I’d pick up snakes and lizards and catch bugs and frogs and tadpoles. Harry Butler, the then famous Naturalist and host of Into the Wild was my hero (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harry_Butler). I was totally in love with the natural world. Slowly I began to feel that God was nature. Then came Star Wars and The Empire Strikes Back and with it an idea called The Force. I felt very strongly that God was like The Force, in that he/it was an energy that permeated everything in the universe. I had imagined God as this huge body that included the cosmos. It was only much later as an adult I learned about Pantheism – the belief that the universe is God (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pantheism). At about the same time Jesus was being shoved down my throat and so I found myself believing in this disincarnate dead guy and his legion of esteemed relatives and followers. Only later as a young man, did I truly begin to understand Jesus’s proclamation that “the kingdom of God is within”. Of course I had an automatic aversion to all ideas of Christ Consciousness but as I grew older, I softened to this idea. Flirting with Theosophy and Magick, had opened me up to the idea that we all have a kind of universal consciousness within. around the same time, I found my self studying comparative religion and talking to people of many different faiths. I wanted to know how well they understood their tradition and how they understood God.
After my flirt with Theosophy and Magick, I began writing/funneling information from books in a technique I called “Cutting Books” – in which I would allow my fingers to be drawn automatically to specific pages, words and phrases and I would hear additional words and phrases in my mind. There’s a formal name for this process, or a variation of it – different to what I did but I can no longer remember what it is called. This technique provided me with a great deal of guidance and wisdom. I also did a form of Asemic writing (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asemic_writing), which I later abandoned, as I had no idea what I was writing.
After I finished my science degree, I moved onto a farm and I fell in love with the works of people like Walt Whitman (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Walt_Whitmanand) W H Hudson (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_Henry_Hudson) – writers who seemed to share the same beliefs and love of the natural world. All the while, I still had this discomfort that God was also human beings. How could something so cruel be human. And then I got stuck on the great mystery of suffering. While that churned away inside of me, I began learning from a sacred mountain called Burra Burra (https://etandi.wordpress.com/2014/11/12/tsm8-a-tour-across-burra-burra-mountain-of-the-eagle-with-bright-and-toa-2/). The mountain taught me about the great web of life and the cycles of nature. In addition I learned about the connection between the Aboriginal people (whose spirits still reside there) and the ETs, who handed down the LAW. Through the Aboriginal spirits I began learning about Shamanism – both Australian and other forms. I did a systematic review of all of the various forms of Shamanism and tried to learn about the common elements. I was also deeply drawn to Native American spirtuality and teh idea of the Great Spirit. Buddhism then popped up again for me but this time it stuck. In Buddhism I found a way to understand the nature of suffering and could see clearly, for the first how humans function.
About the same time I began having more conscious and semi conscious interactions with the ETs. I began to feel a deep connection with them and found myself wondering “why would these beings half way across the universe to visit me ?”. Through the often very uncomfortable and turbulent experience of having contact with beings from other worlds, I began to discover real love, real compassion and a deeper understanding of God.
But I continued seeking something…something elusive. Something kept me looking outwards, more than looking inwards.
I soon discovered channeling and read A Course in Miracles http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Course_in_Miracles/http://www.acim.org/ and some of Jane Robert’s (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jane_Roberts) Seth books. I realised that I had been doing something like channeling since 1994 but I believed I had been tuning into dead people and talking to what I came to identify as different Aspects of Self (https://etandi.wordpress.com/2014/11/18/tsm17-aspects-of-self-a-revolutionary-technique-for-developing-self-awarenesswarnbing/).
Around the same time, I discovered the New Thought movement (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_Thought/http://austincsl.org/index.php/audio-archive/audio-archive-2014/ , which like Pantheism, sees everything as divine. The New Thought movement was heavily influenced by the 4 gospels, evolutionism and Advaita. I found it comforting that 150 years ago, people found a way past religious dogma. But I discovered that some schools of New Thought did become very religious and secular, while others maintained an open attitude to all religions. I suspect the New Thought movement laid the foundation for Esther Hicks/The Law of Attraction and The Secret and much of the New Age movement.
While I was busy with all this, I continued to have experiences with guides and was greatly influenced by Jaoshan and Kanatek, who as I have said before come from a time that predates Taoism, Confusim and Buddhism. They taught me different ways of seeing Buddhism and Taoism and the nature of reality. They don’t use the word God and like Taoism (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taoism), see the ultimate achievement we can make as the unification of our awareness the with the universe. This, in other words, is the ultimate realisation of oneness.
Later I stumbled on Advaita (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Advaita_Vedanta) (after a brush with the Bhagdavad Gita (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bhagavad_Gita) in 1990-93) and Neo Advaita (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neo-Advaita), which lead me to modern teachings on Non Duality and of course to the great teacher, Ramana Maharshi (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ramana_Maharshi). Ramana taught that we should use a process of Self Inquiry to discover the root of the I Thought – a process which we begin by asking “”Who am I ?” and refine by asking “Who is it that is asking “Who am I ?”. I discovered very quickly that this could lead me to place of pure awareness where the I disappears. This seemed to me to be the same or similar experience that arises from Dzogchen (Calm Abiding) Meditation – although I am still uncertain about this. Ramana encouraged people to think about WHO IS THE DOER ? This way of thinking fed into what I had been learning from Big Mind Zen (http://bigmind.org/) and various psychotherapies that encouraged a movement away from the idea of a static self. In essence I think what Ramana is teaching, is that God or what I came to see as the Greater Self, is the only thing doing anything.
From Ramana Maharshi, I began exploring entire lineages of Indian gurus. Those that resonated most with me included Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nisargadatta_Maharaj), Sri Anandamayi Ma (Sweet Mother) (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anandamayi_Ma/http://www.anandamayi.org/books/matrivani.htm/http://www.anandamayi.org/ashram/cc.htm, Adi Da (American : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adi_Da), Ramakrishna (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ramakrishna) and Sri Vivekenanda (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Swami_Vivekananda).
Later a friend from Germany introduced me to Dadaji (http://www.dadaji.info/https://app.box.com/s/4a606ti63jy05uxo6xpr – all material freely supplied by Ann Mills), who seemed to be saying the same thing as Ramana. Dadaji, the anti guru guru, pushes this question of DOERSHIP even further and was able to demonstrate that he is merely a conduit for God, through countless so called miracles. I too even experienced Dadaji’s famous Fragrance wafting through my car as I read a book about him. The same friend also introduced me to Mother Meera (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mother_Meera/http://www.mothermeera.com/) , who gives Darshan (divine blessings – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dar%C5%9Bana ) in silence. I visited Mother 3 times and the first time had a remarkable transformative dream and a very strange experience in her presence.
But in the last two years I have begun to drift away from the persons of Dadaji and Mother Meera. I see them more as products of cultural conditioning. Dadaji is still a great teacher to me. And I still have a great deal of respect for the teachings of Ramana Maharshi.
At some point, I think Is started to trust my own understanding and my own wisdom.
And then there are the ETs. When you have developed relationships with ETs, it’s hard to accept even the greatest of teachings as teh ultimate truth.
My first feelings of connection to God through the ETs came in 1997, when the Teal’hia visited me in my bedroom. Even though Anamika was in a non physical form, I could still feel a divine kind of love emanating from her. Later in 2009 when teh Sawronde visited me in my backyard, I looked into their eyes and it was as if I fell into Gods embrace. I felt like I was home. Then in 2011 when the Sawronde and Teal’hia took me HOME to merge with THE LIGHT, I finally understood the true nature of God and became everything. Part of my great frustration now is that I am here, stuck in a world with suffering and sometimes THE LIGHT seems so far away. I found myself stuck at times in the perception of separation and forgetting what I knew as THE LIGHT.
Since that time, I have had many other face to face encounters and have developed a more intimate connection with many of the ETs. Actually, it hasn’t developed, I’ve just remembered that I have this connection with them. I talk regularly with Anamika and she is teaching about God and the nature of reality. I meet regularly with another group of 8 ETs (from 5 races) using one of the internal worlds methods and they too are teaching me about God and the nature of reality.
Many people in contact with the ETs are being taught different things. For me, it’s primarily about the nature of reality and the nature of God. Because that’s what I have always wanted to know.
Mostly I have given up seeking. But I remain open to learning more, when the opportunity arises. I don’t need it but I appreciate it. I’m no longer really very interested in what any human has to teach. I want to learn from the Creator Races – those beings who know that they are GOD INCARNATE.
In the last few years I have also developed a deeper relationship with Dude. And Dude never talks about God, which utterly amazes me ! And yet he is teaching me more about the nature of reality than anyone else. My recent trip through time (or space as he would say), demonstrated to me how consciousness creates reality and the perception of reality. At some point, it is my wish to push Dude into explaining what God means to him and perhaps he might help me to explore this in an experiential way.
Through the ETs and through the 45 year journey of this life, I have come to understand that God is infinite and eternal. God seeks to express itself and experience itself through an infinite number of forms. God is both form and formless, potential and manifested. You can call God what you like. Who cares ? But through YOU God is experiencing itself. The sense that it is separate and the sense that it is whole.
What seems to be missing for most people, is the perception that you are separate and already whole.
In many ways, I guess I have come full circle. I relate more to the naturalist Pantheists than any other group of believers. And in many ways I don’t think Star Wars was too far off the mark !
The God I believe in is huge and unfathomable. It is all of creation and all that could be created. My God has an infinite number of faces. And when I look out into the world, frustrated and angry with teh mess we’ve created and with those who are committing atrocities, I try to remind myself that I’m looking at another expression of God.
I no longer believe in the Great Mystery Of Suffering. Everything has it’s place. Because God made it that way. If we could but see with the Eyes of God, it would all make sense.
Let me know a little about your path to God.
From time to time I will post TSM’s that are out of sequence because I’ve been able to render a shorter monologue before a longer one. With this in mind, I’m posting TSM18 now because I feel it’s important and because I need to listen to TSM17 before I’m happy with posting it. Most of the other monologues I record and render and don’t worry about listening to.
This monologue is really just a request for Sen Ram, who recently posted a question for Dude. It’s about the suffering of 2 people but it’s really about The Great Mystery of Suffering, which we all live with. Your input is greatly appreciated.
Sen’s question :
“I know I have come here after the cut-off date, but just posting this question in case a miracle happens and it is answered.
What is the purpose of life for a severely disabled child with a lot of special needs? I have such a child and this thought gnaws my life energy and drive to live. At times life seems to have no hope. The thought of my old age and death is dreadful. How am I going to leave her behind in this world and who will take care of her? She is happy, joyous and blissfully unaware of her “I” and this world. But why did she take birth if she did not want to experience this world like typical kids and did not want to make spiritual progress? May be I’m confused and am not using the right words, but my situation is the question.”