Category Archives: Update
Hey folks, I have just been to Peter Mac Cancer Hospital for two days, where I had my latest blood tests, Gatate Scan and consult. The good news is that after 6 months of treatment, my tumours have at last stopped growing, if not, shrunk a little (my nuclear medicine doc was pretty confident that it had shrunk a little but said his measurement was slightly different to the last measurement). My doctor does not want me to have another scan for 12 month. Every new PET Scan (which has a CT scan component) adds to the cumulative radiation my body has had to cope with – so one scan a year is great news ! At this point I will continue with the injections I’ve been having, rather than proceeding with the more aggressive treatment (which is both dangerous to my one kidney and has a 2 % risk of creating a form of leukaemia). I’ll give the injections another year, which means I’ll have to put up with more hypoglycemia, bloating, palpitations, full body and half twitches, memory problems, sluggish poop, risk of gall bladder kicking the bucket (working to prevent that with daily massages) and other miscellaneous side effects. It’s not absolutely clear that the injections are what has slowed my tumours. It may well be the other changes I’ve made in how I function or perhaps my tumours are going through a slow growth period ! But I’m confident that both the treatment and what I’m doing are making a difference. The challenge for the next year will be coping with the side effects and feeling healed, which is at times very difficult to feel because this drug is so damned nasty ! But I am alive right now – enjoying my life and I am very, very grateful that I’ve had more than a decade to make the most of what I have !
In the next 12 months I’ll also be looking into some new treatments that I know are on the horizon. Some of you may remember my story about the Teal’hia visiting us in 1997 and telling Rachel about a new form of tumour treatment and the dreams I had about Minicells, in relation to a particular company who are developing this technology. If I absolutely have to consider having treatment, I’m keen to follow up with the things I was told about and to reconnect with the company who were willing to consider treating me, once I had exhausted all other options. Now that I’m having significant side effects on my current treatment and the other one is considered dangerous, they may reconsider.
I’m blessed to have come a long way from here : https://gogetfunding.com/a-tumour-called-freedom/ ! At different times in the last decade, I’ve been pretty sick and I’m so glad I trusted my instincts and did what I felt I needed to do. I refused surgery because I felt it would kill me, although the doctors thought I was crazy ! And I said no to many other things because I didn’t believe that they would help !
One day perhaps I will write a book about the experience of living with tumours. And in it I will attack western medicine and alternative medicine equally, big pharma and almost every attitude that society has to illness. Illness hasn’t made me a kinder, gentler person. It’s made me angrier and angrier about how we treat one another as human beings. There are days when I get very upset with man’s attitude to illness (among many other things) and I have to remind myself of the things that were shared with me … https://etandi.wordpress.com/page/2/?s=tumours. Losing my sister Susy to Brain Tumours in February forced me to look very carefully at how we human beings function and societies attitude to illness. I’ll verbally assassinate the next person who suggests I try Bicarb Soda, after seeing what it did to my sister ! So called alternative treatments (black box ideologies) will be a major target in any book I write about my experience of illness.
Anyway, I’m here and that’s all that matters ! I’m stuck in a world where 99.9 % of people will never understand where I’m coming from in relation to illness and our myopic attitudes to living fully ! Perhaps the only thing I can do, is to impart what I’ve learned !
If I’ve learned just one thing, it’s this – It’s our attitude to whatever treatment we choose, that matters most and makes the greatest difference. Attitude creates belief, belief creates feeling, feeling creates disharmony or harmony, disease or healing.
Thanks for sticking by me !
Give me a few days to recover and then I’ll try to catch up on responding to your comments !
Best wishes to all,
PS. Little Sun are you OK ?
I just wanted to offer a thank you to everyone who reads this blog or listens to the TSMs – Thank You ! 😉
Thanks to everyone who has made a donation (especially Sandor, Astrid, Frédéric and Nick for your ongoing support) ! Thanks to everyone who has left a comment and engaged in dialogue ! Thanks to everyone who has sent me words of encouragement and well wishes for my healing ! Thanks to everyone who has encouraged me to continue sharing my conversations with Dude and to continue sharing my contact and other experiences ! Thanks to everyone who asked Dude and Anamika questions for the interviews – sorry I could only choose a small number. The Dude book should be completed by January (the interview has 1 question left but I have a series of conversations to transcribe and edit). I’m still open to questions for Anamika.
Thanks to everyone who has shared something special with all of us about your lives ! You don’t have to but still you do ! Thanks Darci for caring about the state of your fellow human beings – here and there. It’s my wish that your husband is recovering well from his heart surgery and that you are being true to you ! Thanks Frédéric for learning to trust in you and for carrying the TSMs from one country to another and for finding something of value in my words ! Thanks Astrid for your love and kindness and being that rare quality of human being that makes friendship one of the great experiences of life ! Thanks Oliver for reaching out across oceans of time and for seeing the absurdity of the great search fr something else – knowing that everything we seek, is already here ! Thanks Lisa for sharing your ups and downs, for prompting me to consider Philip K Dick’s experiences a little more seriously and for having the courage to cut up and share in front of your fellow human beings ! Thanks Marcus for looking inwards and for having the courage to let go of expectations. Thanks Being for placing your faith in the words of a skinny man down under and in your own innate goodness ! Thanks to the unseen faces of Pine Gap and the men and women at the other surveillance sites that have an interest in my words and for opening your own minds to the words of an invisible no one (I know that some of you are changing !) ! Thanks JoJo for having the will to present another point of view and for standing up for what matters ! Thanks Jules and thanks Janet for personifying love and compassion and for magnifying them for the benefit of others ! Thanks Derek for having the guts to go on living after the death of your beloved and for bringing your light to those who need you ! Thanks Mary Jane for living fully and radiating so much love ! Thanks Judith for understanding and for giving a damned about the natural world and the human race ! Thanks Falkesolberg for being willing to reach out and connect with the other ! Thanks Alan for asking critical questions and for being open to the uncomfortable ! Thanks Gillian for your warmth and encouragement and for seeing our shared humanity ! I know there are many of you that I haven’t mentioned. Thank you ! Thanks to the 30 or so regulars who show up everyday to see what’s on the page ! Don’t ever be afraid to say hi ! And lastly, thank you to everyone who has ever taken the time to read, watch or listen to anything that I’ve shared ! Thanks for taking the time to listen to another point of view !
Thanks to BOX for the space and for letting me have a small home away from home ! Thanks to Podbean for making reaching my fellow human beings so easy ! And thanks most of all to Matt Mullenweg (https://ma.tt/), Mike Little https://mikelittle.org/ and all the staff at WordPress for giving a quiet Australian man who lives in the middle of nowhere, a place to express himself and build a bridge with his fellow human beings !
Thanks to everyone who has endured my experience of the human condition – raising a son, living with tumours, experiencing the weirdness of conjoined space earlier this year, my anger at global injustice and inequality, my arrogance and ignorance, my vulnerability, my going all over the place, my stupidity, my frustration, my anger with the UFO/ET field and the New Age Movement, my grief at losing my sister Suzy to brain tumours earlier this year and above all my uncertainty. Life just is and what ever we make of it is up to each one of us. I never know what the hell is going to unfold as part of my experience of life ! God knows I never had a clue as I was growing up that I would share my thoughts, feelings and experiences with my fellow human beings !
This blog is called ET and I. But it’s all about just one thing – the self. The self is me and teh self is you and the self is the other, no matter what the other appears to be.
Thanks for being alive to share this journey with me ! We are all here now because we chose to be and because every day we passively and actively choose to be ! We are here to live as fully as possible, so live – with everything that life offers you – both good and bad ! No matter how fucked up the world appears to be, life matters and each one of you matters ! Trust in you ! You are the path and the way ! The self that allready has all the wisdom it needs !
Feeling worse than a dog’s breakfast or a shrimp on the barby. A double whammy of treatment side effects and a nasty bronchitus/flu thingy which has me freezing and boiling. Thought I was getting better but today it’s turbo charged yuk ! Back to bed soon !
See you on the other side, when I can lift my head properly.
Forgive the lack of engagement with your comments. TSMs and a few posts when I’m well.
Thanks to Sandor for the generous donation and Astrid and Frederic for giving a damn ! Both mean a great deal to me ! It’s nice to know you’re never forgotten !
Thanks to Darci for stepping in on the last post (while I was crook) and guiding ET and I with her own special brand of wisdom ! 😉
See ya’ll when I’m back from the dead !
Hey folks, just to let you know – I haven’t fallen off my perch yet ! Life has been very busy these past few weeks and I’ve not been well !
My tumour treatment has been causing significant side effects this last month and severe hypoglycemia has been making my life very uncomfortable. In 2 months I have my first impact scan, to see if my tumours have stopped growing. Although the treatment has been a pain in the ass (literally as well) and I’ve had 10 days of testing in hospital, I’m confident that the treatment and the changes in how I function that I’ve been trying to integrate, will have made an impact. Dude has encouraged me to continue treatment for 18 months, to give everything time for my tumours to shrink. So, despite my reluctance to have treatment, I’ll continue with it. For the last 2 years, I’ve been encouraged to consider that my attitude to treatment is what makes the greatest difference and not the treatment itself !
At 2 am last Saturday, our hot water system burst and water went everywhere. I discovered that it was 31 years old (they usually only last 10 years) and had been leaking into the floor boards and the underside of the house had rotted so bad that it was ready to collapse – which means I have to restump several areas and put some new floor boards in, which is a mammoth job I loath doing ! We couldn’t see the leak because it was hidden against a wall. So, after a day of hocking off a few personal items, I raked up $1,200 and as of tonight we have a new hot water system installed. The electrician will be here tomorrow to connect the electrical side of things. I can do it myself but it’s one of those things you need a pro to do – just in case you stuff it up or you need to make a warranty claim ! So after 6 days of stinkiness, we’re both hanging out for a good bath !
Last week my laptop died, for a reason that is beyond me ! It doesn’t seem to be the battery and I think it was some sort of attack. So I’m currently using my iPad – which I’ll be stuck with, unless my son can fix my lap top – which seems doubtful. I have a 10 year old lap top that I maybe able to crank up. But alas, shit happens !
As a result of my lap top’s premature death, I haven’t had the ability to edit any TSMs and little opportunity to write. I have a few more TSMs to post when I get them edited and am likely to make a couple more next week.
On the up side, yesterday I celebrated Falcon Who Soars Day (which is the 10th anniversary since I had surgery to remove my left kidney and my primary tumour – 2 months after my diagnosis). My son and a friend and I burnt a giant horned effigy of yours truly ! And it was fucking awesome ! Falcon Who Soars is a Native American name that was given to me after my initial diagnosis and it’s a name I’ve honoured in lots of different ways. Burning an 8 foot effigy of yourself, saying prayers and giving thanks to all those who have helped you to stay alive, is a wonderful life affirming ritual, that I thoroughly enjoyed ! Next month I’ll be doing the same thing for my son – who is affectionately known as Storm Boy (after he was born in a wild lightning storm and I saw lightning enter his body the night before heart surgery when he was 3 days old) !
This week my son is playing the role of the Mad Hatter in a school musical production ofAlice in Wonderland. He previously had to decline a role as the Phantom in Phantom of the Opera, in a local youth theatre group production (because we live too far away). So he is very excited about going crazy as the Mad Hatter ! He’s had a really bad cough for the last 6 weeks and I’m a little concerned about how well he’ll be on opening night (given he has 3 shows that day !). But like most parents, I am very proud of him and can’t wait to see the show !
Over the course of the last month, I’ve had several more conversations with Dude about Conjoined Space (https://etandi.wordpress.com/2017/06/21/an-introduction-to-conjoined-space-an-ets-radical-perspective-on-reality/) and I’ve had a dozen or so Conjoined Space (multiverse/parallel lives) experiences that have at the time, really fucked with my head. It’s getting to the point where I’m experiencing at least one event per week. Dude has warned me that I have another 12 months or so of this ahead of me. He’s introduced me to a concept he calls Emotional Recharge. This occurs when significant emotion from one life, creates a certain level of energy that then pushes into a Conjoined Space, opening awareness in that other life of the first life. Apparently there are events unfolding in at least one of these other lives, that are effecting several lives. Most of these events are good in nature but I am unsure if they are global or personal. And truthfully, I have no idea why I’ve been experiencing so many of them since about September last year. These events have also been effecting two other people I’m close to, so it’s not like they’re just happening in my head ! I just happen to be the only one who has taken the time to investigate and document what’s been happening. But I can admit that if it wasn’t for Dude, I would have no idea what’s going on ! It really has been that confronting ! Everything I have come to believe about reality has been turned on its head !
The truth is, back in January-February, prior to my sister dying, this nearly pushed me over the edge. But now that I have some understanding of what has been happening (some ?), I feel much less threatened by the extreme high strangeness !
Imagine, for example, how you would cope if you saw two versions of reality opening up in front of you ! That’s what I experienced a few days ago, when two events occurred. One in my dreams that later manifested in waking life and one in waking life, in which I literally saw two copies of the same vehicle with my son and his mother moving in two different places; while ironically I was walking in the paddock talking to Dude about some of the weirder aspects of Conjoined Space, from what I later realised was Dude in a different Conjoined Space.
It’s as if awareness has the ability to see into many lives at once. All of reality arising in the self.
As far as I can tell, this phenomenon I’ve been experiencing, began in 1995 or 1996, when I witnessed the first of 6 animals come back to life (what I later referred to as the Lazarus Effect). Perhaps it didn’t really begin then but I began to become aware of it then. It seems that the sorts of things I’ve been experiencing recently, have come into my awareness on and off for the last decade or so but I’ve wondered if maybe they’ve always been there, I just didn’t notice them. Imagine in one Conjoined Space there are 5 cups and in another 6 cups in a dinner set. One day you have 5 and the next you have 6 ! Unless you were paying attention, you’d probably miss it ! It’s that easy to miss such subtle differences. Differences that may represent different Conjoined Spaces.
One thing that occurred to me a while back was this. If there are a finite number of Conjoined Spaces (parallel lives) (Dude suggests that the average person has about 1, 200), then it’s possible that there are other yous living in ways that maybe more appealing to the you that is living in this conjoined space. Think about that for a minute !
There maybe another you free of the problems that are part of this conjoined space ! Another you that has fully realised what is within ! Another you that didn’t fuck up your last relationship ! Another you that didn’t lose a child at birth ! Another you that is only slightly different to you here now ! Another you that chose the left hand path (the road less taken) ! Think for one minute about the implications of such possibilities ! The implications are truly profound !
Some of you may remember Dude’s discovery of a world like no other (https://etandi.wordpress.com/2015/04/24/dudes-discovery-of-a-world-like-no-other/ / https://etandi.wordpress.com/2015/11/21/dudes-discovery-of-a-world-like-no-other-update-1/). I had previously been told that “they found a planet that was not previously known to exist in a particular region of space”/ “they cannot however figure out how the solar system has appeared, where once there was nothing” / “that somewhere in the vast records of the great collective, there must be a record of the ancient race that created this world and its people.” At a certain point Dude informed me that the collective did have knowledge of a particular ancient Creator Race that was likely to have created this race but he himself was unsure as to its exact origins because he could find anything that had been left behind. But he and his people were able to go back and actually trace/relive its origins. What perplexed me at first was Dude’s claim “that it was not previously known to exist in a particular region of space” and now I think I understand what he was getting at. What he meant was that this planet and its solar system did not exist in a particular space – a particular conjoined space. But somehow it has moved from another conjoined space into this one. One way to think about this is to imagine that there are a 100 bubbles in a field. And each one has 9 bubbles behind it. You know who lives in each of the 1000 bubbles but suddenly a new bubble appears on the scene and you have no idea who lives in it. And appearing slowly behind the bubble is another 9 bubbles, about which you know nothing of their inhabitants. This world seems to have arisen in a conjoined space that was not known to exist (at least by the Muajra).
I really feel like I am on the first page of a very long book about the nature of reality. Conjoined Space is just one of Dude’s explanations for how things are. And I have no idea just how much weirder his or any of the other ETs explanations of reality are going to get. Nor the experiences that seem to be occurring in my life. It’s almost as if Dude is introducing me to new explanations about the nature of reality, as different experiences begin to develop in my life. Like the two of them go together ! Here’s the theory and now here’s an example !
Some days I truly wish I could go back to knowing the little that I knew in the late 80s’. But life continues. And I feel truly blessed to have had the opportunity to have had the life that I’ve had ! Life is truly amazing !
Hey Amigos, how’s it hanging ?
My sister Susy died this morning at 7:45 am, after being in palliative care for 22 days. I was fortunate enough to spend 4 days with her last Friday-Monday and to say all the things I needed to say to her and to enjoy her presence. Thank you for your donations. Without them I would not have been able to afford the trip. I’m actually quite OK with Susy’s death, except that I know her two beautiful children and her husband are heart broken. But I firmly believe everything is always as it should be. Susy went from being very angry with her diagnosis and prognosis (I had tried to encourage her to ignore this and set her own course but it ground away at her) to coming to a place of acceptance and peace in the last month of her life.
Although we lived 2,000 km apart, Susy was an important part of my life and I will miss her dearly. I asked her several times to come and visit me after she goes HOME and I’m confident that I’ll have contact with her soon. Allready this morning, I sensed her presence. I also asked my ET friend Dude to visit her before she dies and he said to me that he would do that but that he would do it in a way, so as only she would be aware of his presence. So just as happened with my friend Tom who died 2 years ago, I trust in what I believed would happen and feel it isn’t my place to find out what did actually happen. That’s a privilege that belongs to the people I asked the ETs to connect with. It’s none of my business whether they saw the ETs or not. I merely played the mediator in giving them an experience that would help them to know how much we are loved.
Some of you will recall that Susy’s illness and death were shown to me by ETs on 3 separate occasions. And because of this I have had a long time to prepare for letting her go. But now that it’s here it’s not easy. So I’m FEELING EVERYTHING and allowing the journey of loss and grief to unfold as it needs to. Susy and I have been involved across several lifetimes and this is just another chapter in our relationship but one in which Susy finally took full responsibility for her life and I stopped trying to save her.
Near the end of her life Susy became a great teacher to me. Everything that I thought I knew became insignificant in the face of losing my sister. She taught me how to suffer and how to die with courage, grace and dignity. She endured great emotional and physical pain and radiated peace and forgiveness and above all, unconditional love. And for that I am grateful beyond words. I realised long ago, that everyone has the power to become a great teacher. If only we are willing to open our hearts and accept what they have to teach us. Every moment is an opportunity to learn and to grow.
So here I am. My sister has died and she has left me with the most precious gifts.
Susy’s death is not the hardest thing I have had to endure recently. As I have tried to tell you, there is another event that has sent me into an abyss that I didn’t think I’d escape. It’s something I can’t share with another living soul because it’s so strange and because it’s intensely personal. I can tell you it has a little to do with ETs and a little to do with something from the distant past and covert projects. And a lot to do with someone I care about. I’m trying desperately to figure out what is real and what is not. Everything I thought I believed and I thought was real is coming apart and I can’t make sense of what has happened. The complete truth is very illusive but I am doing everything in my power to reveal it. That’s all I can say. I don’t know what will remain when I finally make sense of things. I can tell you that twice at the worst moments, I came close to taking my life. I can also tell you that a certain external group is playing a role in how things unfold and that they can ‘go fuck themselves’ because I/we won’t be destroyed by this. I’ve also been helped by Dude and one of my guides, who have been able to help me understand the situation from a much wider long term perspective. But it’s still been very, very hard to deal with and immensely painful. The most vigorous period of my searching is over after 21 days of constant vigilance and hardly any sleep. Today at last I feel normal.
It may take me a year to fully understand what has happened but I’m OK with that. I know now that I can outlive this thing. I have grown immensely because of it and I think it will continue to bear fruit, despite whatever dark hidden things come to light. I think I have dug up about a quarter of what there is to find and I know there are more surprises to come. But I’m OK with that. Dude showed me my own future a few years ago and I know I get through this. I trust Dude and I trust myself.
Thank you for your understanding and your kind words. They mean a great deal to me !
In two days time I have 5 appointments at the Cancer hospital in Melbourne and I anticipate treatment will start in the 1-2 weeks after that – if they don’t fuck me around anymore. My treatment comes with considerable risk (having my remaining kidney shut down/developing a specific kind of leukaemia) but fuck it, I’m an optimist and believe all will go well. Any help towards the fundraiser will continue to be appreciated. And thank you to those of you I haven’t thanked recently. Every little kind action by you is felt by me.
Wishing you all a wonderful day of life. Make every moment count and don’t put off today what you’d rather be doing. Life life fully because you don’t want to die with regret. Death is coming for all of us and can come at any time ! Please don’t ever forget it ! Everything is impermanent !
Peace and goodwill to all,
PS. For all those of you, who like Susy for much of her life, Still Haven’t Found What You’re Looking For.
One of Susy’s favourite songs….
I’m here with my dying sister for a few precious days. I’m trying to put aside the other great darkness that is consuming my life, to be as present as I can for my beautiful sister. If you’d can help with my fundraiser or let others know, I’d appreciate it. Back next week and getting ready for my own treatment. Surgeons have tried to convince me last day to have surgery. ‘Fuck No’, my response.
To all those idiots who think Bicarb Soda is a solution to tumours. Fucking idiots. It didn’t save my sister. And she did it religiously (despite my cautions). It’s belief that saves people ! I know that most of you are good reasonable people but I’m so angry with the goody two shoes well wishers who have no fucking idea about the human mind-body-spirit. We don’t die from too much sugar or ice cream and we don’t live because of cannabis oil or bicarb soda ! We live because the life force is strong enough to express itself !
Thanks for all your ongoing support.
Hey folks – a quick update. I’m in the darkest period of my life right now. I’m dealing with the most challenging event of my life (something really really strange that has come completely out of left field when I least expected any more turbulence) and I can’t share it with anyone. On top of that I’m dealing with Susy dying and trying to get ready to start my own tumour treatment.
And Steven as to your comment – “But I had to ask more about your ” weird event”… you can’t leave a cliffhanger like that…c’mon ! OK, of course you can, but an event you say ” nobody else could have ever experienced? Even in your weird and anomaly filled world, that’s quite a claim! Will you disclose it on here sometime later? If not, but you feel able to share privately, feel free to write to my personal email, which I assume you have access to. I will of course treat anything shared as confidential, although I appreciate you only have my word for that.” You can just shove it up your fucking ass ! You have to be kidding me ! I share way too much here, so don’t think for a moment I’m going to share something that no fucking person on Earth could understand ! Especially not you ! I don’t even know you ! Fuck you ! You have no idea who I am or what the people in my life have experienced ! Some things are fucking weird and very uncommon and you need to just accept that !
I’m tired of sharing so much here and people pushing me !
Thanks to everyone who understands that this is a very difficult period for me right now. No more fucking love and light bullshit. I’m not like that ! I’ve had to deal with more shit than most people have in two life times ! I’m raging and hurting and have been close to taking my life ! Which is something I have’t experienced for nearly 2 decades. I thought all that was behind me. If I can’t make it through this event that has been unfolding, I’ll be withdrawing completely from the internet. And if I do make it through, then some sort of normal me will return. In 14 days I’ve had about 18-20 hours sleep and I’m getting sicker. I’m sorry but the nice balanced Bright has fucked off. There’s a lot of hurt and pain right now that I’m not processing well. So I may not be the nicest person to interact with. Forgive me for anything harsh that I might say. It’s coming from a very dark place. A place that I usually keep hidden from everyone.
Everything I know and believe is being tested right now. Every spiritual teaching I’ve assimilated, every thing I’ve learned about how to live, every value, what’s right and what’s wrong. I’m truly at break point ! But maybe a few days sleep will help my mind to settle. And if things go well, the situation might well begin to make more sense. It’s something that I didn’t see and I don’t understand but I have always had a sense that it (I didn’t know what the it was) was there. And now it may take 6-12 months for me to fully understand and integrate what has been happening. I accept it but it’s come as a massive shock – like seeing someone you love murdered. Some part of me has died because of this !
So please friends, try to understand I’m in great pain ! Emotionally and physically.
I’m flying up to see my dying sister in a couple of days, provided she lives that long. I don’t know when my next post will be.
Be well friends,
My sister has lapsed into unconsciousness and now it is most likely just a matter of days until she goes HOME. I’m using some of my Tumour Called Freedom fundraiser money to book a ticket for my son and I to see her. But I don’t know if I will be saying a final goodbye to her living body or reading her eulogy. I might be away from here for a while. Thank you for all your ongoing support. My own treatment starts at the end of February.
(Susy and I a month before I was diagnosed with Renal Carcinoid Cancer in May 2007).
Hey folks, I just wanted to let you know where I’m at. Sorry I haven’t been able to interact with anyone here. I appreciate all the kind comments and it’s nice to see you all being kind to one another. It’s weird seeing some sort of community of loving caring people, when I’m not even around ! How cool is that !
Let me start by saying a huge thank you to Sandor ! Thanks Sandor for your donation. You’ve been a great supporter and it means so much ! I wish we’d hear from you on the blog a little more often, as you have a big heart and lots to contribute !
So it’s been a shit of a month for me. But life is still good, just challenging. Last week I was in the same location (12 hours earlier) where a nutcase ran over 35 people and 7 of those have since died. Where we were sitting someone was killed. I was due to go back to the same place, which may have put me in the same place where the events took place; except that a very unusual and life changing event took place, which needed me to come home. I had just put my son on a plane to a Heart Kids Camp in Western Australia (4 hours plane flight away) and came straight home. This event which I cannot discuss because it is so fucking weird, has been harder to deal with than my tumours. Period. I’ve been learning more information about it since the 19th January and have reached a conclusion that is very challenging. I have been guided by Dude in how to understand the situation but it’s still very hard to deal with. And I guarantee this is not something any of you have ever experienced – it’s that fucking weird !
Meanwhile my son is back from camp. I had about 12 hours sleep in 6 days (last nigth I slept 7 blessed hours) and my tumours are driving me nuts. My tumours are secreting hormones like crazy and that’s a big part of why I had sleep problems. I cancelled my oncology appointment on Monday because I was exhausted. My oncologist is pushing for me to have surgery and I’m saying NO WAY, HAD ENOUGH ! She is not talking things through with me and I even received a call from surgical staff who were ready to book me in for surgery. So I’ve been very assertive and have told them that I approached them for one treatment and one treatment only. I was told 5 years ago how dangerous the surgery is and I’m not taking that risk ! So I am waiting for a new appointment, so that final arrangements can be made for me to start treatment and I don’t know what the fuck is happening because it’s like I am a number who has just fallen off the radar ! I tried to initiate treatment (via the other group in Sydney) more than a year ago now and it has taken 5 month with this hospital (the premier cancer treatment facility in the country) to get this far and I’m really fucking annoyed !
Yesterday someone contacted me via my fundraiser, offering to provide the remaining $4,000 required to reach the fundraiser target but it has all the hallmarks of a scam, which is really irritating ! The timing is absolutely terrible !
Susy. My sister Susy has started deteriorating since new years. Her brain tumours have now spread throughout the centre of her head and around the left frontal lobe. She has lost control of bodily functions and has no short term memory. Today is her last free day on Earth. Tomorrow her husband is putting her into palliative care in the city and I don’t know if she has days or weeks to live. I will have to divert some of my fundraiser to taking my son and myself to Queensland for her funeral. Yesterday I had what might have been our last conversation. I told her I love her and that my son loves her and I told her that I am dedicating my film to her (Before I Die doco some of you know about), I brought up some childhood memories that I knew would make her feel good and I reminded her about The Light and going HOME – so that if some part of her could remember that when she dies, she would be OK and I asked her again to come and visit me when she is OK. I thought I had dealt with all the emotion of her going to die but that phone call was really fucking hard.
Everything that I have been shown 3 times in my life by ETs about Susy’s death has been coming to fruition. When Dude took me into the future on September 20th, 2014, to see her illness and death – you would think it would have made it easier ! And it has but it’s still very hard to deal with. Susy has a husband and an 11 year old boy and a 6 year old girl and they don’t yet fully understand. And it’s hard to witness their pain and my fathers pain. And today I will talk to my mother and a sister in Malaysia and witness their pain. Seeing Susy’s deterioration has made both my son and I acutely aware of how things could be with his mum’s (my ex) brain tumour. So I really feel for my son. He’s had a hard fucking life and I look forward to when things get easier for him. But he also the toughest son of a bitch that I know and the most resilient human I have ever met.It brings tears to my eyes thinking about how much he has suffered with 2 ill parents, his own heart/ear problems, bullying and now an aunty he loves who is dying. But as all of you know, these trials make us. They transform us. And what arises out of this painful beautiful alchemy is something more than what was – with greater understanding, awareness, compassion and love.
I’m sorry but it might take a few months until things are back to normal here and the Bright you know is all radiant and luminous and has anything of value to share.
Thanks for reaching out to one another and for all your ongoing support and love !
Bear with me as a dance with the shadow for a while.
See you on the other side !
I thought I would touch base with you because honestly, I kind of miss it here and my son has had enough of keeping tabs on my email, blog and fundraiser !
Summer is here now in earnest, with day time temperatures between 25-42 degrees Celsius. So far summer has been delightful but we’ve had a few very hot days and nights where our house was as hot as it was during the day. Now that the mozzies have all gone (they dissapeared over night after a sudden cold rain storm, we’ve been able to enjoy going outside. Cicada song fills the air day and night and Crickets and Willie Wag Tails sing all through the night.
My health has been good and bad. I’ve had some really shit days with my tumours but mostly I’ve been OK ! I’m all set to have some new Ga68 PET scans next week and then visit my new oncologist in early January and cardiologist/endocrinologist/dietitian/nuclear medicine radiologist a week later. Then, if they can get me in, treatment will start early February. Things have been pushed back further and further because they can’t seem to get all my appointments into one day, which is a real pain in the ass ! But anyway, things are one the way and I’m confident the treatment will have a positive impact on my tumours. Tomorrow I’ll be collecting 24 hours of urine and proudly walking into my doctors office with a smile on my face. People always look so uncomfortable when you walk around with a bottle of pee but I think it’s hilarious !
I’ve been spending most of my time gardening and mowing (that fucking huge grass that grew up after the floods) and it’s almost done – thank God ! I’ve also been working on pulling together a compilation of 27 years of poetry and editing the Dude interview.
For years now I’ve been having dreams about doing a PhD (which I was going to do in 1994). Recently I started exploring the possibility. I really have no idea why I would want to do a PhD but I’ve been thinking about life after treatment, when and if my health improves – which I am confident it will. I have no idea what I would want to do but have been exploring everything from studying Sea Monkeys (Brine Shrimp)/Copepods/Ants, to writing a thesis on the idea I am developing about Aspects of Self/multidimensional self (for want of a better description), to the impact the rising human population on the natural world and humanity, to something that my son and his mum suggested – exploring the ET issue (lots of possibilities there). I have no idea why this keeps resurfacing in my head at night. I really hate the idea of being stuck in academia for 3 years and have no interest in the ego aspect of being called Dr Wanker but I cant quite shake off the thought. If I could, I’d do one of those creative PhD’s in which you get to write a novel as your main thesis. I could simply tie that into the work I’m already doing !
In the last couple of weeks I’ve had quite a bit of contact with Anamika and Dude and have been having regular contact with several other ET races – including the Shalarian from the Aldebaran star system – who have been telling me about a large world and her 6 moons, that exist at about the same distance out from the sun as Neptune (but about 25 degrees below the elliptical orbital plane of most of the planets) . Another race told me about this planet several years ago but it was only recently I began to learn more about it. Apparently it is a world with human like ETs who are in the early space faring stage. 4 of the 6 moons have been colonised but those races are not space faring and still have some discord among them. I don’t think I’ve mentioned this planet before – maybe on one of the TSMs ? But I’d be curious to see if astronomers ever find it.
Some of you may remember my chickens ! I had 5 chickens but one of them died last year. We bought our ‘girls’ in 2010 and they survived 3 floods, 2 nearby landslides, 2 bush fires and dozens of foxes and several dogs in our former home in the Grampians Mountains and then 3 floods, a drought, several foxes and 2 dogs here on the plains. Then a few days ago something killed all of them in the morning, while I was out walking. I think it was a Wedge Tailed Eagle but I am not sure. We have some 6-8 foot wingspan sized Wedgies that live in the nearby hills and every now and then they come looking for food. Usually the Magpies gang up on them and chase them away ! What was really odd, is that there were no fox or dog prints, one chicken was totally missing and the others were decapitated. What was really perplexing is that there was no blood on the ground anywhere, that I could find. I did see a print I thought might be an eagles but I couldn’t be sure. My son later said, just jokingly, ‘Maybe aliens did it or your Yowie friends were hungry !”. I haven’t talked about the animal mutilation subject here at all and just for the record, most of it is human (covert projects) but some ETs are studying the metabolism of several trouble feral species. So for a few minutes I thought, “What if ?”. I also know from Dude that some of the Yowies do eat Kangaroo – which totally perplexed me when he first told me and sent me on a number crunching game, to figure out how Kangaroo populations could survive. But Dude was serious – some of the Yowie people do eat meat. I had recently invited those I know to visit me again but I don’t think it’s likely they would do something like this. Any way, I did entertain the idea for about a minute. Later when I asked Dude, he confirmed that it was an eagle (one of two eagles that landed). They were in the process of taking the chickens away but apparently I disturbed them on my return. I was perplexed as to why the Magpies didn’t attack them but Dude pointed out that when they started killing the chickens the Magpies got a little freaked out and back off.
So anyway, I was devastated. I’ve lost hundreds of animals when we used to live here 11 years ago – though drought and disease. And I hate burying animals I care about. So I buried 3 of the girls – Mookie, Cookie and Mr T (I think) and bawled my eyes out for half an hour. Every day I go to call out to them and say good morning or good night and have to remind myself that they’re gone. I miss them dearly ! We once had hundreds of animals and now we just have our cat, Miss Kitty (aka Hello Kitty) – a tortoise shell trouble maker ! It always amazes me how much something fills your life and you don’t even realise until it’s gone. When suddenly you’re confronted with a gaping hole !
So that’s how it is. I’ve gotten used to letting things go. It’s been good training for my own death !
Apart from losing my fluffy friends I am well. I wanted to say thank you to all of you for stopping by and continuing to stay in touch with ET and I. I am especially grateful to the people who have supported my fundraiser. A big thank you Darci for your recent heart felt words and your kind donation ! It’s hard to imagine how I have touched the life of a school nurse in the heart of Texas ! Please know that your kindness means a great deal to me ! And a bog thank you to all those other people I have previously thanked, who have supported me since the inception of this blog.
You all know how to support my fundraiser or support the blog (Fundraiser links below). Please know that your help, will make it that much easier to get through my treatment !
I also wanted to say a special thank you to Frederic, who after reading the material I wrote about Creating an Internal Sacred Space (a precursor to internal world ET contact) recently said,
“It happens so naturally that I was really surprise, and the day after it was possible to redo the same path to my internal sacred space. WOW… that was a sacred moment for me. And to be in the same place the day after with the same details of image… I realised that it was not imagination, it was too precise. There were many observations of animals in the nature… the big surprise was the wolf… first he try to eat my feet ( I was on a tree ) but at the end the wolf was looking at me … try to say good bye before to leave???( I have a tatoo of a wolf that I did in Sydney in 1993 – funny right ? maybe more than funny !!!) The day after, in my ISS it was a tiger that came close to me as a cat, and he was taking care of me… i was not the tiger meal. I didn’t see or felt any guide close to me and I was speaking internally to me or to my guide… I do not know exactly but it was a personal revolutionary moment for me. I felt so good and relax. I will continue to visit that place because I know I’m looking for something/someone and to have your “line/suggestion” is was a big help.”
Frederic I’ve been waiting a long time to see if any one would try to apply what I’ve been trying to teach about Internal World Contact. For some reason people seem to have an aversion to this method, which utterly perplexes me ! Creating a sacred space is the first step towards a range of possible experiments with consciousness and this method is I believe, the most important method that anyone can learn for making contact with ETs. It is also I believe, an invaluable method for working with the self (the small aspect) and for making contact with a range of other entities – including humans who have died, Hairy Folk and beings who are formless – all of whom can use these spaces to create forms in which to interact personally with us. Think of an internal sacred space – as the potential world you will create when you die, when mind is not constrained in what it can create or perceive. So Frederic your experiments are just perfect ! Let them happen however feels right. The world within is a purely symbolic world (personal and collective) but the symbols carry and create energy and are a doorway to opening consciousness to real world contact with the consciousness of other beings – alive and beyond life. The symbols also have the potential, to shift your perception beyond a world that exists exclusively in the mind of the small self, to the greater cosmos. When you’re ready for making ET contact in your internal world, be sure to ask for outer world validation of what you’ve experienced. And remember, the separation between inner and outer world is just an illusion ! Just an illusion !
Thank you Frederic for giving me positive feedback. It means a great deal ! I would like what I share to have value to other people. Sometimes it feels like I am this weird little island with all these weird creations playing away like some bizarre amusement park, that all the other islands think make the island crazy or dangerous. So it’s great for me to receive feedback and to have a sense that other people ‘get’ what I am trying to share !
For those of you who are interested in following Frederic’s lead, you can learn more about Creating and Internal World to make meet ETs here : https://etandi.wordpress.com/how-to-make-et-contact/ and more specifically here :
There will also be a large chapter in the book I eventually write on how to make ET contact.
Just a little side note for those of you who like to read. I’ve read a lot of books this year and some highlights for me included the following :
- The Good Book (by AC Grayling) (an all time favourite book – a book that borrows from the greatest philosophers and is better than the original good book – a book I curl up with at night often, just before bed)
- Little Big Minds (Sharing Philosophy with Kids) by Marietta McCarty (a brilliant book about the big issues in life and how to teach children to explore them)
- The Lost Way (How Two Forgotten Gospels Are Rewriting the Story of Christian Origins) (by Stephen J. Patterson) (the best book I’ve ever read about the real Jesus and the lost gospels)
- Beyond Literal Belief (Religion as Metaphor) (By David Tacey) (a wonderful expose about the different ways of interpreting the Bible and Jesus and Biblical text as metaphor for the human condition, from one of Australia’s most interesting academics)
- The Flight of the Iguana by David Quammen (odd ball science stories from one of the world’s best science writers)
- Noise (A Human History of Sound and Listening) by David Hendy (a book about the evolution of human sound and ways of interpreting sound)
- Junk DNA by Nessa Carey (a book that debunks a lot of the stupid garbage about Junk DNA – which really is just misunderstood DNA)
- I contain multitudes (by Ed Yong) (a wonderful expose by a brilliant young science writer, through the world of microbiomes – in nature and in humans – a great introduction to the subject)
- Stories 11 by T.C. Boyle (writer extraordinaire)
- The Young and Prodigious T.S. Spivett by Reif Larson (the first weird novel of it’s kind from an incredible young writer)
- Green Monkey Dreams by Isobelle Carmody (a short story collection from one of Australia’s great fantasy writers)
- Children of the Sea (by Daisuke Igararashi) (one of the best Manga’s I’ve read in a long time).
I want to thank you all for being part of my life and for taking in interest in what I have to share. I wish you all a very wonderful Christmas (for those of you who celebrate Christmas) and a safe and harmonious transition into 2017.
Be well and at peace,