Category Archives: life
What is life ?
In today’s monologue I explore the idea of the body of our life’s work and the bodies of work within our life. I explore how our life is the sum of all our life’s work and is reflected in the final moments of who we are in our life (or at any moment) and how at any moment we are working on a body of work, whether we are conscious of it or not. I speculate that we can consciously choose the bodies of work that fill our life – whether they are visible or invisible and suggest that a life well lived, is one in which we come to understand and develop some awareness of the nature of the bodies of work that we allow to fill our life.
My iPod gave a lot of trouble during this recording and I had to stitch together separate segments after it unexpectedly shut down. Forgive any repetition !
Enjoy ! 😉
What’s My Scene ? I was 18 when this song by the Hoodoo Goorus came out in 1987.
I was living with a pedophile uncle, having fled boarding school the year before; my Dad lived in Hong Kong, my sister was in boarding school 3 hours away and my mum lived 1000 km away; I had a couple of buddies after being a loner for so long; I was at school with girls and boys after 5 1/2 years in a boys boarding school; my uncle was bonking an 18 year old floozy, drinking heavily, bashing people up and doing lots of drugs; and his buddy was bonking a huge breasted woman called JUGS, who tried to seduce me (my hands found their way to the crack in her jeans but fortunately didn’t go any further); and I was otherwise a very fucking confused kid ! Some songs define a period of our life ! What’s My Scene was one such song in what might have been one of the best and worst years of my life.
The next song to define my life was U2’s I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For. It was a song that resonated with me because it reminded me that I had been seeking something that was always beyond my grasp. I didn’t even know what I was seeking because it was so fucking illusive. It was also the song that encouraged me to begin writing for myself (something I’d forgotten until Dude reminded me a few years ago). And without the entire Joshua Tree album, I don’t know how I would have made it through my final year of high school. Around the same time I was enjoying U2, I was also listening to INXS and the song Mediate made me realize that poetry didn’t have to rhyme. I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For and Mediate laid the foundation for my life as a writer and gave me the inspiration to see that writing could save me from what was quickly becoming the darkest period of my life.
There are many more songs that define 1987 for me but these 3 three speak loudest. I can’t listen to any of these songs, without remembering this period of my life.
Back then I was a lonely kid with a small ghetto blaster and an old stereo from the 70’s, living in his uncle’s garage. Today we have so many ways to enjoy music and to connect with people who are similar to us. No one has to be alone, the way that we used to be.
It’s funny how music binds our memories and memories bind our feelings. I wonder if there are songs that define periods of your life ?
Sometimes people who burned brightly dissapear from our lives and we never know what happened to them. One of those bright lights has just reappeared for me ! Little Sun, this is for you. Thank god your still here ! 😉
Here’s to all the people who try so hard to continue to exist !
As someone who has always been obsessed with microbial life, I have been fascinated with how microbes play a role in every single ecosystem – including within our bodies. A recent discussion with Dude about the human need for Round Worms and Thread Worms (yes you read correctly), led us to an interesting exploration of Microbiomes and how modern humans have disturbed their natural bodily systems.
In today’s monologue I explore what it means to have a singular physical self, in view of the fact that we contain countless biomes – made up of organisms from the 5 kingdoms (Monera, Fungi, Protista, Plantae, Animalia) and the potential implications that these microbiomes have for our mental/emotional and physical health and ability to communicate with the other parts of us.
Enjoy ! B. 😉
Those who want to really understand this idea in depth, should read the works of Lynn Margulis : https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lynn_Margulis.
Relevant links :
Here are some cool videos related to this monologue.
Today I spoke to my sister, who as some of you know is very ill with brain tumours. During our conversation I became painfully aware of the people around her and how their lives are likely to unfold as she gets sicker and later when she’s no longer here. When I worked in psychotherapy with individuals and groups, I developed many intimate relationships with people, in which I became aware of how different lives were unfolding and likely to unfold. Every now and then I meet a former client or hear about a former client and have some sense of how their life has unfolded many years down the track. It’s nice to imagine that things have turned out well but that isn’t always the case. Sometimes people’s lives have unfold differently to what I would have imagined but often they have unfolded in the way that I had imagined – following the patterns that I saw when I was in contact with them.
One of my favourite documentaries of the last 30 years is the Up series, which began with 7-Up. (I think I’ve spoken about this documentary before – here or on my old blog.) The Up series follows the lives of fourteen 7 year old English kids, throughout their life, interviewing them at 7 year intervals. The last in the series was 56 Up and the next one is 63 Up, in 2019. At this point I guess the series will continue until the participants die or the director dies. The series has also inspired many other Up series in other countries but most of those are well behind the original series.
What I love about the series, is seeing how an individuals life unfolds – sometimes in ways that are easy to predict and sometimes in ways that are totally unpredictable. It’s also fascinating to see the drama and how individual people deal with the situations that life has thrown up. I think watching the series also helps us to feel great empathy for the individuals who have allowed their lives to be laid bare to the world. In each of the characters we see someone we know and maybe sometimes we even see ourselves.
I think a series like Up is good for the entire human race and I believe that we need more longitudinal studies and documentaries to help us make sense of our lives and to teach us how to live !
I think almost all of us can see what’s good about programs like these. Although the people who opted out of the original documentary might disagree. I think if we allow ourselves to enter into the lives of the people in these films without judgment, we begin to see how most people are trying their best and sometimes things just happen. I feel strongly that films like this help us to see the human condition as it really is – at least to some degree. We never really know the internal experiences of another person but by looking at their outward lives through time, we begin to have some kind of understanding of what life has felt like for them and what their struggles and joys have been.
I’ve said before that there are many ETs who know us better than we now ourselves. So let me clarify that a little, in the context of the UP series. There are ETs like the Muajra, Sar’won’dee, Teal’hia and Sarpalxn; who know us across life times. They know each individual life from the inside and the outside. They know our thoughts, feelings, beliefs, values, bodies and internal and external experiences. Some, like the one’s above, also have the ability to record every moment of our lives – in a way that is beyond our comprehension. I’ve had it explained to me but I can never explain it to you because it was explained in ways I don’t have access to or fully understand. There are also ETs based on Earth who collate records on every person who has ever existed. Those of you who have heard me speak of Dude and Number 1, maybe interested to know that they control these records. Records which are kept in a physical form in several buildings on different continents. The ETs have a surprisingly large volume of information on your average human being. I won’t tell you for now why they keep these records but suffice to say it is because they value our lives and not for any insidious reason. They also have equivalent energetic records, which mirror the physical records and energetic records of our entire experience of being.
Some of these ETs know every aspect of our existence – in this life and in others. Naturally as a result of knowing us so well, they know everything about humanity – all our disciplines, all our history, all our secrets, all our plans. etc. In every sense they have a god like presence in our lives – totally hidden but always aware. Therefore they act in ways that reflect what they know. This has certain implications which are far reaching for all of us and all of humanity now and in the future. First, they have Earth’s best interests at heart. Second, they have each of our best interests at heart. Some of the other implications, which I am sure that you can deduce from what I have said, include (but are not limited to) the following :
- They know what is best for us, based on billions of years of experience in creating life forms and in nurturing them.
- Any official disclosure of the ET presence on Earth and our true origins has and always will be controlled by the ETs.
- The ETs established and maintain the secrecy, as they have done for 5,500 years on Earth. They do this to protect us from ourselves. In the structure that I refer to as The Architecture, the ETs control unidirectional information flow from the lower arms of The Architecture. The lower arms were created by humans and humans created different types of secrecy to protect different vested interests. The ETs know every single thing they do ! The upper components of The Architecture will be here for thousands of years. The lower arms of The Architecture have a finite life and are allowed to exist for very specific reasons. On other planets there is no secrecy, as those races were able to deal with THE TRUTH. We are not like them and have never been able to deal with THE TRUTH. The ETs are aware of all probable futures in which we are exposed to THE TRUTH and so chose the best possible solution to help us mature.
- The ETs know which humans to have open contact with and which humans not to have open contact with.
- The ETs work with humans in covert projects for specific reasons that have to do with creating the healthiest possible timeline for our descendants. They do not do this work to assist humans with vested interests to gain what they want. These are merely peripheral outcomes, which the ETs fully understand.
- Knowing us intimately helps the ETs to tolerate our weaknesses and to nurture us slowly, in ways that help our individual and collective development.
- The ETs have and will always give specific individuals certain abilities to nurture the well being of the planet and humanity. They know how individual lives will unfold and who has the best temperament and constellation of physical and emotional traits to aid the development of certain abilities. They also know what abilities are needed at what time and the impact these will have on the species, the planet and the individual lives of the people with the abilities.
- The ETs know which individuals they can choose to assist in the development of specific areas which effect the human race. For example, they know the best scientists to work with, the best communicators, the best therapists, the best architects and designers, the best inventors, the best mathematicians and physicists etc. They may even work with someone to develop something that has negative consequences for the human race, if that leads to a healthier timeline for the human race or for Earth. See my post on Dude’s work with Ascanio Sobrero and how that inspired Alfred Nobel to unleash hell !
- The ETs understand the human life cycle well – in an individual life and across life times. They understand the patterns that rule our lives. They know what we need and when we need it. They know how individual situations are likely to effect our growth.
- The ETs understand human civilization well and how human civilizations rise and fall. They understand the patterns that rule our collective behaviour and history. They know what events are necessary to bring about certain changes in our collective growth.
- Because the ETs understand our lives and how short our lives are by comparison to their own, they have great empathy for us. They do not have compassion because they just do what needs to be done, which is what you do when you have real awareness. But they do have great feeling for us. Although we may not always recognize it.
Anyway, that’s just a short list. I leave it to you to think about the implications that arise from the ETs knowing everything about us.
Check our Neil’s story below, for a sense of what it might be like to be an ET and have feeling for a being with a very short life.
I tried hard to find the entire Up series online but couldn’t find it. Maybe it’s out there somewhere. If you can’t find it, do yourself a favour and buy the whole series !
This is a great series of dialogues between Buddhists and Scientists hosted by the Dalai Lama. This is the 30th year of dialogues !
Mind and Life Institute : https://www.mindandlife.org/.
Hey friends, here is yet another article I posted on the Project Avalon Forum a few years ago. May you enjoy ! 😉
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A typical day on Project Avalon or any of these kinds of forums, provides a person with an opportunity to see how much of the human populous functions (at least privileged portion). What we typically see in such places is a spectrum of personality types – many of which remain focused on what is wrong with the world and how those in power control their freedom. Many of these kinds of people believe that they are “awake” and that the world exists in polarities. Many such people remain ignorant of the relative dualities of human perception (one object in relation to another) and absolute realities. They project their perceptions onto all they experience – whether it is first hand or second hand. And so we have the world of Reptilians, the world of the Archons (which has been bastardised from ancient Greek culture and the Gnosticism ), the world of the bastard powers that be, the world of the elite and the masters of humanity, malevolent aliens and the work of the devil. Absent from the reasoning of most humans is the ability to recognise individual, cultural and species archetypes and how we project these onto anything that is not self. We do not like to look within ! This myopic way of human functioning is what has largely created us and them and the sense that there is always something out to get us. Our lack of empathy for our common journey as individual human beings and for the journey of all living beings, is one of our greatest weaknesses and yet ironically is also one of our greatest strengths.
I would like to remind people that ultimately we are our own worst enemy. Don’t think for a minute if you dispatched those in power that you would create a better system of leadership and a world without problems. Until each and every human being develops true self awareness (and not just thinks he has woken up), human beings will continue to create pain and suffering. The idea of human evolution and human progress is a delusion. It may exist on a relative scale but overall, we are not so different to any of our ancestors.
I have been asked a few times by different people “what did your ET friends show you about the future ?” and for the most part I have been reluctant to say. But I will share one thing. I was shown various intervals in the probable human future. 10,000 years from now humans will still be ignorant, still be stupid, still cause themselves and each other suffering and still have problems. All be it the human world will be a nicer place to live, we as a species will fundamentally remain the same. Until humanity at large looks inwards, there will be now real evolution of our species.
If you really want to wake up, look inwards and see that you are already free. You do not need a guru or a best selling author to show you the way or to wait for all the conditions of the world to be perfect. There will always be chaos because that is the nature of existence. No matter who is in power, chaos will always reign.
Why give away your power ???
YOU control YOU, more than anyone else. To believe otherwise is to imprison yourself needlessly.
You are free :
- To be still.
- To be silent.
- To recognise that you have a choice.
- To recognise that you have choiceless awareness.
- To react or not to react.
- To think what you want and to fall prey to the ebb and flow of the monkey mind.
- To feel what you want.
- To experience all that your body brings to your experience.
- To repress and deny what you want.
- To behave and act how you want.
- To see, hear, taste, smell and feel the touch of whatever you want.
- To develop self awareness.
- To get lost in your delusions.
- To recognise the factors that have conditioned your life.
- To understand how you perceive, what you believe and to understand how you became who you are.
- To take responsibility for your actions and who you are.
- To learn whatever you want from who or whatever you want.
- To choose a spiritual practice (or a religion) for the heart – whether others know what it is or not.
- To know your true nature.
- To feel your own life force and to use it well.
- To see the relative and the absolute.
- To prepare for dying and death.
- To imagine whatever you want.
- To try to understand anything that you mind desires to understand.
- To understand the causes of your suffering.
- To choose how you experience pain and how you suffer.
- To believe what you want – whether you express it or not.
- To choose your own life teacher.
- To love as you want.
- To create your own heaven and your own hell.
- To see separateness and/or wholeness.
- To see the many and/or the one.
- To remember the past and imagine the future.
- To hope.
- To abandon hope for an act of presence.
- To cause pain to what and whomever you like.
- To relax.
- To look up or down or sideways.
- To feel your breathe and feel your heart beat.
- To see everything that is in your experience now and here.
- To grow some of your own food.
- To grow some plants.
- To grow a flower.
- To live with abundance.
- To live in harmony with the things that matter most to you.
- To accept things as they are.
- To enjoy water.
- To recognise what you can change, what you can’t and what is worth the effort.
- To gossip or not to gossip.
- To wear your own face and not someone else’s.
- To drop all your masks and be true to your self.
- To pray to whom or whatever you like.
- To decide what you are.
- To spend as much time on your electronic devices as you want.
- To disconnect from your electronic devices or moderate your use of them.
- To talk to another human being.
- To talk to an animal or a plant or a dead person.
- To choose what is important in your life.
- To desire everything you want.
- To be lonely or alone for the briefest time.
- To surrender to what is..
- To stay angry and blame.
- To feel guilty or ashamed.
- To let go of anything.
- To live within time or outside of time.
- To see things with or without a name.
- To cultivate relationships.
- To fear anything and everything.
- To laugh at anything.
- To feel sunlight whenever it is available.
- To touch the Earth whenever it is possible.
- To breath the air of Earth.
- To believe or disbelieve in the idea of God.
- To gather seeds of knowledge and wisdom and plant them wherever you want.
- To gather seeds of living plants and plant them wherever you can.
- To give gratitude to who and what you like, as often as you like.
- To celebrate the beauty of existence.
- To celebrate the beauty of Earth and all it’s creatures.
- To transform.
- To allow space for the unknown.
- To find meaning.
- To keep things simple.
- To live.
I’m sitting here in my floppy blue camping chair by the open fire, after a long day renovating my old farm house with my son, in preparation for our big move this coming week. And as I have been sitting here absolutely exhausted, it’s occurred to me how much my mind has wandered today as I was working. Once, while I was in my son’s room crouched over painting the skirting boards, my back was hurting like hell and I found myself thinking about how alcohol and work addiction fill both sides of my family tree. Then later while I was painting, I noticed I was thinking about my time at university and how all the people I knew who were into avant garde music, seemed to lack any real emotional depth or feeling for the suffering of others. Then finally, as I neared the end of the skirting boards, I noticed that I was thinking about the conflict I’ve been having recently with my son and wondering whether our relationship will deteriorate as it did with my own father or whether this is just a phase, as it was when my grandfather said I was just going through a phase when I was angry with the world in my early 20’s. Every time these little mental departures occurred, I found myself asking “why am I thinking this ?”, before swiftly bringing my attention back to the body. But no sooner was my attention inside my body, when my mind went racing off into another discursive excursion. And so at some point, all of these little departures from attention to the body, reminded me of what life used to be like here prior to the birth of my son in 1999.
I used to work a lot outside and spent very little time on the internet or watching television. In late Spring and Summer we would have to mow the grass with our push mower. We never had the money to afford a ride-on mower, so we were stuck mowing the 4-5 acres around the house, the hard way. The grass was often thick and long and it was hot, dusty work. You’d be covered with about 50 bush flies and they’d be constantly trying to get on your face and in your eyes. You’d be sweating like a pig and your mouth and throat would be choking up with dust. And it was under these conditions, that I would often find my mind wandering back to my past. Back to some of the most painful and difficult periods of my past and especially back to the time when I lived with my uncle – who I later discovered was a serial paedophile. At the time I lived with my uncle, I had suspicions that he was up to no good but I had no way of proving it and besides he terrified the hell out of me, so I didn’t dare lift the covers on any of his dirty little secrets. My uncle had been sent to boarding school, the youngest of 3 brothers and had hated the experience. When I ran away from boarding school in year 11 and landed on the cold floor of his garage in the middle of the night, he welcomed me into his home, fully aware of the terrors of boarding school. As a young man in his 20’s my uncle had spent 8 years in the notorious Long Bay Jail for theft. Occasionally when he was really drunk, he would talk to me about his time there and about the fights he’d seen and the people he’d seen killed in jail. Long Bay taught my uncle to be tough, violent and manipulative and it was the only way he seemed to know how to survive. Mostly he was very kind to me but I was privileged enough to see his violent side. Like the time he broke his wife’s’ jaw in the middle of the night and the time he threatened to kill her in front of my best buddy and I. My friend David, was a 17 year old Arnold Schwarzenegger but when he saw my uncles temper, he shit himself and ran out of the house and all the way back to boarding school. Somehow I grew used to my uncles violent outbursts and his split personality. My nice guy to the people he liked and an angel to his relatives and a tyrant to people who crossed him the wrong way. Years later after he hung himself, the evidence for my claim that he was a paedophile and a drug addict came to light but it was quickly swept under the family carpet. To this day my grandmother knows nothing about what her son was really like. And in her eyes, he will always be her angel.
Not long after I was diagnosed with my primary tumour, I forgave my uncle. After years of being tormented by my memories of him and by countless dreams of being tortured by him, I realised I didn’t need to be imprisoned any more.
Those hot days mowing the grass, ruminating on my experiences with my Uncle Peter, were absolute hell for me. They were a hell that I created for myself and a hell that I alone had to endure. And while at first it seems that I suffered needlessly, I did not suffer in vain. This kind of mindless suffering was exactly what I needed to arouse the desire to find a path to be free of my suffering. And in many ways, living here in perfect silence was just what I needed. Because silence allowed me to wallow in my suffering, until ultimately I could stand it no more. Silence helped me to imprison myself and when I’d finally had enough, I was desperate to find a way out. I looked in many different places but eventually it was my return to Buddhism and meditation that made all the difference. Slowly I began to understand how mind functions and how mind creates both heaven and hell. And eventually I began to see that mind itself arises from primordial emptiness and I began to accept the moments when all self disappears and when self returns.
My torture at the hands of an uncle who was already dead, was a great catalyst for my own spiritual development. A spiritual development that took place along a very unpredictable and unplanned spiritual journey, which has been filled with people, places, events and accidents I did not see coming. A person could write volumes on exactly what spiritual development is and what a spiritual journey is but it is probably enough to say, that development is the unfolding of the spirit and the journey is the passage through which the unfolding of the spirit occurs. We could also write volumes on what the spirit is as well and argue about spirit and soul and the interchangeability of the two but I think we can simplify things, by saying that the spirit is the life force that is within us. Any kind of discussion about spirituality, will inevitably use words that will point to other words and require endless definitions, that will vary from person to person and culture to culture. I think every human being has some sense of their own spiritual journey and can recognise that we are all on our own spiritual journey.
There have been many other catalysts for my own spiritual development. My mindless addiction to my uncles torture, was only one of them. Perhaps the greatest catalyst for my spiritual development, was leaving this farm a decade ago. It was something I really didn’t want to do. But I had to do it because I had separated from my partner and because life here was way too hard. When we left here, I grieved for at least two years. I remember one time coming back for a visit and sitting on the steps sobbing uncontrollably. It was like there was a hole in my heart I just couldn’t fill. This was the first place in my entire life, that I had called home. All of my other homes were temporary. I had four homes before my parents divorced, when I was eleven. Four homes during holidays when my Dad lived in Hong Kong. Five and a half years in six different dormitories in a boarding school. Seven different homes while at university. Two homes after university. I’d lost count of how many places I’d lived in before I lived here. And then all of a sudden, I left the only home I had come to know and love.
But what seemed like a difficult choice back then, changed the course of my life for the better. Because we left this place, I was able to embrace new opportunities that I would never have been able to experience any other way. I had the chance to live in 3 homes by the coast and 1 in the mountains. Two of the most beautiful places in the state. I had the opportunity to experience the 4 seasons from two totally different geographical perspectives. And in so doing I became familiar with the idiosyncrasies of each place and the tiny changes that an outsider would never notice. I worked with Aboriginal people, farmers, children and adults who had mental illness and the adults and children who cared for them, couples who were having relationship troubles, adolescents who were having a hard time with life, addicts of all kinds, people in charge of schools, national and state bodies, NGOs and government agencies. I developed skills I didn’t have before and strengthened the skills I already had. I managed projects in the community development and environmental field. I deepened my knowledge and experience of counselling and psychotherapy. I explored Buddhism, Hinduism, Mysticism, Gnosticism, Christianity, Neo Advaita and Shamanism in far greater depth. I discovered that my son had an ear problem and went through two major life changing surgeries with him. I learned that my ex wife had a brain tumour and had suffered in the silence. I was diagnosed with a major tumour in my left kidney and had my kidney removed, stayed healthy for a few years and then learned I had new tumours. I was told I may have 3-6 months to live and outwitted such a stupid prognosis ! I discovered the coastline of southern Victoria and the mountains of western Victoria. I lost several people who were part of my life. I learned how to make conscious contact with ETs and had face to face contact more than 40 times. I made contact with the Yowie people where I lived and a creature that some describe as the Batsquatch. I started writing a biography; compiled a book of 500 + poems; wrote 3 plays and a musical; half wrote a book on consciousness; half wrote two novels and several short stories. I wrote half a dozen blogs, including Otherworldly Encounters blog and began ET and I. I started the Global Conscious Project and the Global ET Contact Research network – terminating both early in their life. I began developing a new psychological framework based on Aspects of Self. I continued working on Journeying in the past and future and became fully aware of the risk of a major catastrophic solar event. I began to fully understand the Small Self and Greater Self. I seeded several community development projects – one of which one a National Indigenous Award. I started and dropped numerous projects, when I realised they were going nowhere. I had countless bored erections and heard countless jokes ! I met lots of wonderful people in real life and online. I made many wonderful friendships with people in other countries, who I will probably never meet. I met Dude and he took me back in time and into my own future, before later taking me off world to visit one of his favourite worlds. I learned all about the Teal’hia and Sawronde and was taken to merge with the Light, that I came to know as God. I learned that many of the things my ex wife had hinted at in relation to The Architecture and the worlds power structures and the extent of their surveillance, were true. Which was something I had doubted for many years ! I met many people who died of cancer, while I was on my own journey with a life threatening illness. I saw animals I had wanted to see – including Sharks, Sting Rays, Turtles, Sea Eagles, Cormorants, Gannets, Southern Right Whales, Humpback Whales, Blue Whales, Penguins, Seals, Fish, Deer, Kangaroos, Emus, Black Panthers etc. I met Aboriginal people who told me about the stories their grandparents told them about the great coastal massacres and the suicides and murders on the missions. I met Aboriginal people I was able to foresee would become healers, who I was able to help in their own healing. I started my documentary Before I Die, which connected me with the hearts of several dozen people and which promises to take me on a fascinating journey. I learned about Dadaji, Ram Thakur, Mother Meera, Sweet Mother and a host of other spiritual guides. I had more than 3,000 dreams, a third of which I was able to document. I read thousands of books, pdfs, articles, blog posts and documents. I watched hundreds of videos and listened to hundreds of podcasts. I meditated an hour most days in sitting meditation and practised deep relaxation. I had countless conversations with guides, dead people and ETs. I discovered caves, mountains, beaches, islands, swimming holes, deserts, trees, forests, rocks and sand, I did not previously know about. I experienced landslides, floods, fires, earth tremors, storms, tornadoes, king tides and cancer inducing pollution from the Glaxo Smith Kline factory up the road from my home in Port Fairy. I found funding for projects that planted 120-150,000 trees and planted several thousand trees, bushes and grasses myself. I watched my son transform, from a shy little 6 year old into a ball scratching, Cosplay loving, girl addicted, electronic game loving, confident 16 year old; who makes me immensely proud ! But some days I want to kill him ! I found loving homes for two cats and a dog that we could no longer care for and developed a love hate relationship with my two latest cats – Mishka and Grumpy. I ran numerous tree planting days, taught mindfulness and healing classes and started two very lame ass podcasts. One of which you know ! I made about 200 crappy songs, when I had nothing better to do but waste my time doodling out some tunes on Fruity Studio, Audacity and Ableton Live. I recorded hundreds of hours of sound – birds, frogs, the wind, telegraph lines, fence wires, cars, city scaoes, beaches, crickets, cicadas and various impromptu sound effects. I wrote several thousand work related and personal emails. I received about 20 letters from distant relatives and wrote 1 in return ! Which is something I will try to rectify this year, before it’s too late ! No less than a dozen people tried to heal me – none of them at my request ! I had excruciating tooth ache, back pain and tumour related pain. I practised Pal Dan Gum Qi Gong regularly, practised 9 Palaces Qi Gong and developed my own form of free style Qi Gong. I walked several thousand km and drove 250,000 plus km. I made grass circles with my son. I scanned thousands of kilometers of country side looking for crop circles and only found 3. I had lots of conversations with people about witchcraft, spirituality, Aboriginal ceremonies, UFOs, aliens, crop circles, mental illness, shamanism, re-vegetation, plants, birds, zoos, biodiversity, people, population growth, the population problem, space travel, science, technology, education, music, literature, books, films, comedy, illness, healing, health, culture, politics, religion, spirituality. I listened to hundreds of peoples stories, experiences, fears, dramas, pain, suffering, hopes, desires, wishes, secrets and aspirations. I took my son to countless events and started a Magic the Gathering club for he and his friends. I spied on those who spy on me. I held dozens of animals, walked on snakes, picked up lizards, walked and swam with fish, krill and jelly fish. I entered dozens of peoples homes, mostly for work. I had several people I supported commit suicide and imagined their ghosts in my home, wishing there was more I could have done to save them. I had lots of arguments with my son, yelled and abused tourists, met lots of my son’s male and female friends, looked into my sons future, met people from Canada, Bhutan, India, England, Ireland, Hong Kong, China, the US, France, Pakistan, Sri Lanka and all parts of Australia. I witnessed the great influx of people from India into the state of Victoria and saw the city of Melbourne change it’s cultural flavour. I pondered the two great issues which face this precious world – biodiversity loss and the ever expanding human population.
And now after all of this, I return to my old home. I don’t tell you these things because I want your praise or to flaunt my ego.
I tell you because had I not left here, I would have experienced none of these things. Every one of them, has been part of my spiritual journey. Some have acted as catalysts, rapidly accelerating my spiritual development, while others have slowly deepened the layers of my spiritual life and added colour to my spiritual journey.
While it’s possible to say that our spiritual journeys can be described by specific archetypal patterns, it’s also possible to say that everyone’s spiritual journey is unique. Some spiritual journeys are filled with suffering, while some are filled with joy; others are filled with confusion and mistakes; while yet others are filled with achievements and success. My own spiritual journey has been filled with all of these things and has in many ways, spanned the entire gamut of human emotions. My pain and suffering has been by far the greatest catalyst. The threat of dying, forced me to face my own mortality and to try to truly understand the nature of my human experience. It has given me a kind of spiritual short cut, that I could not have gained in any other way. Meeting beings from other worlds and learning about the nature of time and mind, has forced me to embrace a much wider perception of reality. Merging with the Light, has helped me to accept my own finite body and to know without doubt that life is eternal and that life is meaningful. I know now that everything in life has a place and a purpose. And yet I no longer believe that there is any purpose to life, except to live fully, embracing all that arises – good and bad. Merging with the Light, also helped me to know for certain, that everything is an expression of God.
I have no idea what lay ahead in my future (apart from what Dude showed me). But I am excited that I am still here. I know that time and age will remain my greatest teachers. Unlike a lot of folks, I look forward to getting older ! Because it’s only with age, as the body moves closer to death, that we begin to truly see what we are and learn how best to live and to love. I believe that our true spiritual development unfolds from the cradle to the grave and beyond. And I honestly feel like I’m a little boy, who has just opened his eyes from a long deep sleep and I want to see what can be seen and experience all that I can before it’s time to leave !
I’d love to hear about the colours of your spiritual journey and how the unexpected detours and choices in your life have reshaped you !