Update/Goodbye Susy/Have you fallen enough ?
Hey Amigos, how’s it hanging ?
My sister Susy died this morning at 7:45 am, after being in palliative care for 22 days. I was fortunate enough to spend 4 days with her last Friday-Monday and to say all the things I needed to say to her and to enjoy her presence. Thank you for your donations. Without them I would not have been able to afford the trip. I’m actually quite OK with Susy’s death, except that I know her two beautiful children and her husband are heart broken. But I firmly believe everything is always as it should be. Susy went from being very angry with her diagnosis and prognosis (I had tried to encourage her to ignore this and set her own course but it ground away at her) to coming to a place of acceptance and peace in the last month of her life.
Although we lived 2,000 km apart, Susy was an important part of my life and I will miss her dearly. I asked her several times to come and visit me after she goes HOME and I’m confident that I’ll have contact with her soon. Allready this morning, I sensed her presence. I also asked my ET friend Dude to visit her before she dies and he said to me that he would do that but that he would do it in a way, so as only she would be aware of his presence. So just as happened with my friend Tom who died 2 years ago, I trust in what I believed would happen and feel it isn’t my place to find out what did actually happen. That’s a privilege that belongs to the people I asked the ETs to connect with. It’s none of my business whether they saw the ETs or not. I merely played the mediator in giving them an experience that would help them to know how much we are loved.
Some of you will recall that Susy’s illness and death were shown to me by ETs on 3 separate occasions. And because of this I have had a long time to prepare for letting her go. But now that it’s here it’s not easy. So I’m FEELING EVERYTHING and allowing the journey of loss and grief to unfold as it needs to. Susy and I have been involved across several lifetimes and this is just another chapter in our relationship but one in which Susy finally took full responsibility for her life and I stopped trying to save her.
Near the end of her life Susy became a great teacher to me. Everything that I thought I knew became insignificant in the face of losing my sister. She taught me how to suffer and how to die with courage, grace and dignity. She endured great emotional and physical pain and radiated peace and forgiveness and above all, unconditional love. And for that I am grateful beyond words. I realised long ago, that everyone has the power to become a great teacher. If only we are willing to open our hearts and accept what they have to teach us. Every moment is an opportunity to learn and to grow.
So here I am. My sister has died and she has left me with the most precious gifts.
Susy’s death is not the hardest thing I have had to endure recently. As I have tried to tell you, there is another event that has sent me into an abyss that I didn’t think I’d escape. It’s something I can’t share with another living soul because it’s so strange and because it’s intensely personal. I can tell you it has a little to do with ETs and a little to do with something from the distant past and covert projects. And a lot to do with someone I care about. I’m trying desperately to figure out what is real and what is not. Everything I thought I believed and I thought was real is coming apart and I can’t make sense of what has happened. The complete truth is very illusive but I am doing everything in my power to reveal it. That’s all I can say. I don’t know what will remain when I finally make sense of things. I can tell you that twice at the worst moments, I came close to taking my life. I can also tell you that a certain external group is playing a role in how things unfold and that they can ‘go fuck themselves’ because I/we won’t be destroyed by this. I’ve also been helped by Dude and one of my guides, who have been able to help me understand the situation from a much wider long term perspective. But it’s still been very, very hard to deal with and immensely painful. The most vigorous period of my searching is over after 21 days of constant vigilance and hardly any sleep. Today at last I feel normal.
It may take me a year to fully understand what has happened but I’m OK with that. I know now that I can outlive this thing. I have grown immensely because of it and I think it will continue to bear fruit, despite whatever dark hidden things come to light. I think I have dug up about a quarter of what there is to find and I know there are more surprises to come. But I’m OK with that. Dude showed me my own future a few years ago and I know I get through this. I trust Dude and I trust myself.
Thank you for your understanding and your kind words. They mean a great deal to me !
In two days time I have 5 appointments at the Cancer hospital in Melbourne and I anticipate treatment will start in the 1-2 weeks after that – if they don’t fuck me around anymore. My treatment comes with considerable risk (having my remaining kidney shut down/developing a specific kind of leukaemia) but fuck it, I’m an optimist and believe all will go well. Any help towards the fundraiser will continue to be appreciated. And thank you to those of you I haven’t thanked recently. Every little kind action by you is felt by me.
Wishing you all a wonderful day of life. Make every moment count and don’t put off today what you’d rather be doing. Life life fully because you don’t want to die with regret. Death is coming for all of us and can come at any time ! Please don’t ever forget it ! Everything is impermanent !
Peace and goodwill to all,
PS. For all those of you, who like Susy for much of her life, Still Haven’t Found What You’re Looking For.
One of Susy’s favourite songs….