Tumour treatment update and ET art project update
Hey folks, It is my wish that you are all well !
Just to let you know that it is likely at this stage I’ll be having treatment 1,000 km away in Sydney with the Minicells technology I mentioned previously. It’s the least invasive treatment I can have. It has minimal side effects and is safe for my single kidney. It’s also the treatment I dreamt about before I was diagnosed. I’ve spoken at length with Dude about my options and he agrees that this is the best choice. In time I will say more about why I have chosen this path. It also has to do with an experience I had with the Teal’hia in 1997, in which we were shown a particular future. Thanks Rebecca and everyone else for your suggestions about healing. I agree totally Rebecca that the mind is the key and that the power of placebo can change anything. One of the reasons I am reluctant to have either of the other 2 treatments available to me is because of the nocebo effect that is already in action as a result of my feelings about the individuals and methods used in these treatments. Since my initial diagnosis in 2007, I have felt a resonance and approval for the work being done by the company who is pioneering the Minicells technology. And that I believe and Dude suggests, will make all the difference. Just a reminder to anyone who is new to this blog. I know how to heal but I have been unable to make certain adjustments to different ways of functioning emotionally and psychologically and I have given too much of myself. I seem stuck in certain patterns, that have become much clearer to me in the last few months. My ancient Chinese guide Kanatek, once gave me what I have called The Healing Teaching. The first part of which is to feel everything. He went on to suggest that in order to heal, all I need to do is to allow myself to feel healed : ‘Go, not do, feel, not think’. And so that has been the foundation for my healing. But I have allowed it to be undermined by doubt and by discomfort and by ignoring the needs of my body and my spirit. So now, I have had to work through a process of believing that medical intervention will help me, after despising it for more than a decade. Treatment will ultimately save my life, shrink my tumours and give me time to embrace all that I have been taught. But, as I have said many times before, I am a stupid man, who learns as much through making mistakes, as any other way. And it seems, that after 9 years of living with tumours, I have remained thoroughly ignorant, despite knowing what needs to be done and have had to get pretty damned close to death’s door, before I finally ‘get it’ !
So, I am optimistic that I’m on the right path. I’m a little bit of a simpleton and I believe that everything is as it is meant to be, that the universe gives you all that you need and that we are exactly where we need to be. My tango with the shadow, just seems to be an ongoing part of my life and I’m OK with that.
I won’t know the specifics of treatment for a few weeks. I have to see my oncologist next week and will be giving him the flick and looking for a new one, with expertise in Carcinoid tumours. My old oncologist might be considered one of the best in the country but I think he’s a wanker, who knows nothing about the power of listening. I also need to find an endocrinologist who can help me with the hormonal disturbances my tumours are causing.
I don’t know how I’m going to get to Sydney or find the money for my 4-6 week stay but I know that it will work out. I HATE Sydney with a passion ! I spent 7 years of my life in boarding school 60 km from Sydney and in my only trip back there (in 2011) in the last 23 years, for my grandfathers funeral; I saw a huge metropolis that utterly repulsed me. Gone was much of the beauty that Sydney and the western suburbs had in the 1980’s. Now it seems to be a sprawling fucking nightmare and in my mind it demonstrates Australia’s population crisis better than any other city ! Anyway, that’s where I have to go and I plan on making it an enjoyable experience. I’ll be away from my son for the entire time, as he still needs to attend school and will not want to be too far away from his girlfriend. Maybe I’ll catch up with some old school buddies, if I can track them down. And I might try to film a little of my documentary, while I’m there. Mostly though, I plan on walking, visiting it’s gardens and museums and art galleries and making each day count. Perhaps if I have the energy I’ll work on my new novel I hinted at earlier.
The last few days have been incredibly hard for me. There has been great turbulence between my son and I. And never in our relationship have our wills come up against one another so fiercely. Sometimes I think about the life my son has had – born with a heart problem, later with a tumour like object in his ear threatening to kill him, then discovering his mother has a brain tumour and his father has Carcinoid tumours. And I feel immense sadness for him. I took away his innocence and his freedom to just be a child and now at 17 he’s become a master of the mask and invincible. But underneath he’s falling apart. I truly believe when you heal one person completely, you heal a family and it’s relationships.
I’m 46 years old and despite great turbulence and suffering, I’ve had a wonderful life. It’s the children of the world I feel for. People like my son and little kids who never get the time to experience all the joys of life. Love is what makes all the difference. And it isn’t hard to show a little love. We all have a currency of fame and spirit and it’s how we spend it that counts. I want to live a long life and to spend my currency on the things that really matter. Like love and tenderness and justice for all.
And here’s a brief update on the ET art project. Late next week Dude will sit for the first ET art project drawing, in my lounge room and I can’t wait ! I have this feeling he’ll be wearing donuts on his fingers and playing all his favourite stereotypes. But if I’m lucky, he’ll just be himself and we’ll have a great time putting him on paper, for all the world to see !